A Northern Power (Not Nice)

[Lion]

@Michel - FYI this is your old friend @raphael. Lion is my new username.

[Michel]

@subliminalguy

My standard reaction was to feel defensive and angry, slowly building up until I’d start saying shit hastily, making an ass out of myself. I’d regularly overreact.

It sucks to be that guy who others know they can pick on because of their reaction. I know thet feeling all to well.

@subliminalguy

It seems to build an inner solidness where the little digs don’t get under my skin any more. I even regularly give it back, and often in a funny mood.

Even when someone does dig me out, my usual reaction is to laugh, as if I’m agreeing with them slandering me. Nice to give it back some too.

@Lion

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating.

That means that even talking with women they could immediately sense my weakness as I would always agree with their viewpoint. It’s probably why those past relationships have failed. Not to worry… Know better, do better.

@Lion

@Michel - FYI this is your old friend @raphael. Lion is my new username.

Salute for your new name

[Lion]

@Michel

@Lion

@Michel - FYI this is your old friend @raphael. Lion is my new username.

Salute for your new name

Haha! Salute to Archangel Michel from Archangel Raphael

[Michel]

Washout highlights:

• With Februus it has helped me to gain a higher perspective of my whole narcissistic childhood. My own foundation is messed up: invalidation, being ignored, blamed, scapegoated, threatened, treated as an object isn’t normal but it “feels” familiar and true. Foundational beliefs handed to me like I stink, I’m fat, I smell, I’m weak, I’m a [_____] I’m lesser than others… and mirroring this is allowing certain work colleagues to also ignore, invalidate and shit on me, somehow the struggle feels comfortable.

• I still cannot say no and stick to it. I keep automatically forgiving others who keep stepping on my head. This is because of a deep fear of violent retribution – verbally and physically threatened.

• However letting my mother back in, only for her to aim a jab at me wearing a pendant “are you a cow with a bell?” is just confirmation of me wanting little to do with it anymore. Happens every time. Foolish and addicted to being betrayed.

• Ordered my second custom with the new modules including Iron Frame, I AM, Manipulus and Pride Unbroken.

LFG

[subliminalguy]

I still so relate to your thinking style Michel. Thank you for continuing to share it.

It encourages me.

[Michel]

Not even 24 hours later and the Emperor bloom effect is here! On washout week… Very interesting. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I freaking like it and it’s only a few hours after the last post:

• I now recognise that the people at work are NOT my friends. I always am considerate and friendly, but, they just don’t care like I do, so I stop caring as much towards the wrong people and care more about myself.

• My new stance is “I do me, you do you.” I separate from you and trying to gain your approval. I’ve got my own approval.

• I work hard and am considerate to the business, but no more nonsense. I will do my job but no more “supporting cast” role. I’m not your prop, I’m not your kicking dog. Sincerely, fuck the lot of you.

• There was a moment where I did two things at once and didn’t hesitate, which is new. Took care of one business, did the other, finished. No doubting, no relying on others, done.

• I’m walking slower, more deliberate, strong and steady. I also really don’t care what some random thinks of me. Who are they anyway?

• I’m also disagreeing and speaking my opinion (NO! HOW DARE YOU!) for the first time. Not just going along with someone else’s bullshit wholesale without checking it. Also developing my own frame and centre of gravity. (NO! YOU’RE MY PET! YOU DONT GO AGAINST THE MASTER).

Next listen will be the second custom.

[Michel]

More results:

• More ease on the job, I’ve stopped “showing my ass” (@SaintSovereign quote) towards my boss. Then I realised that this person is an angry, nervous, disloyal panicked mess.

• I said no again (HOW DARE YOU! I OWN YOU), this time to extra working hours. Boundary placed.

• A banned customer who I have to usher out of the shop because he likes to threaten my coworkers with violence, enters. I walked up to his face, was non reactive to his threats, even got him to repeat his gibberish and then showed him the door.

• I physically go near another customer who was ribbing me mercilessly and he goes quiet as if he is feeling my fearful respect.

• More independence to the point that others are starting to serve me through just sheer influence.

• I’ve stopped panicking myself, quietened down and developed the inner strength and dignity of a buffalo, knowing and trusting that what I do is good, doesn’t matter what others think.

[Houdini]

On I Am, a lot of that which you held close to your being, those downgrading forces that held you from your power, congruence and expression will start disappearing and you will become who you TRULY are instead.

I’m gonna keep a close watch on this journal as I see you become the Almighty Northern King.

Blessingly yours,

[Michel]

Beautifully well put, thank you @Houdini

[Houdini]

For a little moment you will not know who you are but it will pass.

Meanwhile the subconscious will rearrange until you have found a form that suits you better. For me this process is now curiously taking precedence.

I Am feels like an amnesia of who you are not, forget who you are not, and become who you are by letting go of the half-truths.

My believe in you is bound by unyielding faith so your task that you deem to accomplish, if this faith is felt in yours heart it will become real-ity.

Trust Nevilles’ memoirès his stories were as real as day are night. Miracles are possible and your a miracle!

Brave King.

It almost feels like for a moment you are temporarily feeling empty which I believe to be a resulting feeling because the subconscious is literally breaking away parts of itself which is like a yearning and almost grief for losing these parts by the heart.

Like a funeral of sorts, a part of yourself is dying within your mind. And the heart reacts in grief as it stands before that identity and prays it to rest peacefully.

After the funeral there is a marriage of the newly the remaining parts and you will experience a new state of self, more pure, congruent and reflective of your childlike self.

Looking so forward to see this with you!

It surprises me that I Am is not in every program it one of the most intelligently scripted healing modalities to get the person te become who he is and congruent in alignment with the scripting that surrounds it (within your program and or custom).

No more imposter syndrome because those clashing identity aspects, within the mind, are removed and merged into one whole absent of those chaotic elements. Bringing order and unity, great for grounding too.

[Michel]

On being and remaining congruent (a follow up post relating to I AM)

Main Disc. Thread - Khan ZP

I concur with luther this person’s feelings are incongruent with the manner in which he acts showcasing his illusions out in the open. There is no weight, nor power, calm, and all other traits of a masculine man within the feeling of his body so he cannot move reality as the “alpha male” does. If this power is not present within that person and is judged by outside reality it loses control on the inside resulting into outside toxicity for trying to impose a reality on the outside which is not …

[Houdini]

[Michel]

More Emperor custom updates:

• After months of needling and abuse, I told the regular customer who goes quiet when I’? near to “go fuck himself”. There was an urge to say something after him and his druggie friends humiliated me. So I saved that insult up for when he needed something. “you want to insult me to your friends, go fuck yourself”. Crude. Reactive. Loss of frame. But I stood up for myself.

• In addition to putting up with actual threats of violence and not reacting, I’m seriously thinking of just leaving this stressful job. Does being paid above minimum wage mean I gotta put up with racist abuse? Am I undervaluing myself and can do better? Are these incidents meant to prod me into toughening up? Not sure but the perverse thing is I am actually coping with it, although I want to cry inside- is this what my life has come to?

[Michel]

I felt an inner nudge to stand up and address the constant disrespect from this certain person. It happened automatically, without hesitating. Pushed into speaking up at full voice, said “go fuck yourself”.

Like the Incredible Hulk, there are times when the green skin bursts through my shirt. Inner rage at being disrespected, declared untrustworthy. There is no one to lean on for this extra Emperor growth, I’m searching for support, looking towards an invisible mother and crying at the new manifested challenge. Then… the challenge is passes and it disappears, nothing serious happened.

I’ve finally did it, I stood up for myself.

Then I realised I have changed. I don’t recognise my new behaviour. I’m taking charge sometimes, being led other times (a la PCC), being social and friendly but with a masculine edge, but growing a steel spine.

This is a baptism of fire, a tough love growth journey of the adult boy into a budding man. It doesn’t last long, like the tide, but the foundation step was laid.

The time for swallowing other people’s verbal shit is over.

The sales page of Emperor says:

Be mindful that if you have been abused, made fun of, not valued enough and so on, the changes that happen will likely invite criticism and an increase of challenges from others.

This is because the status quo has changed rapidly – they expected someone weaker, instead a budding Emperor stands before them. Stand strong, think about how you want to respond and do so appropriately.

That person did not return for a while. Fearsome might have had something to do with that.

[Michel]

New updated custom results:

• I feel much more comfortable with myself. Having a lot of healing shame modules (ARES, FEBRUUS) just takes care of the doubt and remaining feelings. I used to psychically reach out to others like an invisible hand from my head to another for self esteem. That made me a walking red flag to narcissists (you don’t believe in yourself? I’ll love bomb you until I discard your ass!)

• Already the self image modules (I AM, Divine Self) are clicking into place because I don’t need to think about “being confident” or “alpha” or displaying for others. It just is! Confidence now means I can get on with building a life for myself.

• I’m not in the market for women at the moment but two happenings 1) out of the blue, a mutual friend asked if I was single and wanting children 2) this absolutely fine looking chick on the train to the mall, she was my type too.

• Why is it that women all of a sudden getting flustered, unable to speak and wanting to abandon their partners for me?

The main thing is I’m a believer in that customs can specifically repair and reverse the damage from narcissistic abuse. Credit to Subliminal Club for creating pinpoint modules targeting what’s needed to build a brand new life.

[Houdini]

Wow this Custom is gonna rock your world!

[Michel]

The Emperor Effect

• …an attractive fair skinned (presumably) German woman was so flustered that she rushed to get onto the train forgetting to let the other people off the train first! I stood opposite her to get a good look but she couldn’t meet my gaze, she was all shy. EMPEROR!

• Picked up some more art materials. Damn, did I forget I was an artist… time for a Rembrandt themed custom?

• Others are much friendlier towards me, once I fixed my own self concept and made it more positive, others react to me in a more positive manner. Even at work, others hear me when I speak and turn their heads (Emperor’s Voice).

• “If you don’t respect yourself, others will not respect you”. That also means respecting yourself. Once I put the verbal foot down, they scatter. Those rude customers sensed weakness in me and took full advantage. Not anymore, they’ve climbed down.

[Davisnwc]

Damn good progress. Can’t wait to see where this custom helps to take you

[subliminalguy]

Michel,

Reading over your posts this morning, I realized I’m holing up here, not having to face women much since I don’t need to. I have my own transportation in a small city, and I ride alone.

But I’ve had those moments where I’ll see someone beautiful and casually lock eyes. I’m considering going out this morning to a store before work to let myself be seen. I miss that.

[Michel]

Moving on

Although I’m becoming more stable, the changes are creating a bit of distortion within. My inner identity is changing, I want better out of life, but it is causing outer conflict. Standing up for myself and placing boundaries has triggered a host of trauma based fear within – I can hear the inner parent in my head saying “how dare you put up a boundary. You are my scapegoat, you will take insults without complaint, if you put up resistance, I will abandon/fire you.”

I’m developing an id, an ID, a placeholder all for myself and it is causing an outer mismatch with the existing job and family. Now the job no longer fits.

I attracted a job where the old me would have been glad to accept colleagues blaming and insulting and being the boss’s kicking dog to rant at. Now that’s changed. I’m taking action to look for something else, where respect exists and I’m centred enough to move on to expect better.

I don’t have to stay at all! There is more out there. I can do whatever I want