Glad one of us does LOL 
Thanks for the needed laugh
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Today, I ran a full loop of Khan TB and of Love Bomb.
Then had a small, magical cup of tea.
“I am purging, and I am free of this pain”
Did some bioenergetics to bring up the anger and the tears, and let mysel cathart out.
Gut level.
Then sat and journalled…
I will replace my sleeping pill by taking melatonin and magnesium.
I will replace the last small dose of SSRI by taking 5-HTP.
I will replace coffee with chai, and taoist tonic teas.
What does my anger need to say?
Loud and clearly- fuck you.
That I am my own man.
That I will not be manipulated.
That I am not a ‘nice guy’.
That I cannot afford this fakery.
That I am not some nice little pushover/agreeable weakling anymore.
What does my fear need to say?
That I’m terrified of being vulnerable, making myself open to being hurt again.
That I am terrified of my secrets, my mistakes, my failings, of being found out.
That I have fear of pissing others of, of being judged by others.
That I have fear of unrestrained honesty.
That I am afraid of my guilt resuracing and getting stuck in some kind of guilt/confession OCD.
What does this guilt want to say?
That I have done wrong and need to be punished.
Hiding things… the broken PC. My sexual history. My political and world views.
What am I grieving?
My childhood.
My relationships with my family.
My relationships with women.
Missing out on life.
Losing my job, partner, standing, income, mental health.
The anxiety would have me looking outside for forgiveness… obsessed with confession… but why?
What am I really seeking?
Freedom from anxiety. Peace of mind. Stability.
What assurances do I need in order to trust in the forgiveness of myself and others?
That I will still stand up for myself.
That I will advocate for myself.
That I will set boundaries.
Then my true self, integrity, adult masculinity remain pure and available to me.
That I can still defend myself, fight if needed, and not make excuses for others.
I feel sad that somebody close to me suffers in life. I feel afraid of losing myself in trying to save him. I feel some guilt for not always being 100% honest with him, having omited certain things in the past to save myself the pain of their wrath. I remind myself that practically, logically, the situation is not so bad.
After all this catharsis and introspection, I sat and did a forgiveness meditation for half an hour.
Peace.
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I think it would be helpful to run this kind of ritual and reflection for myself at least semi-regularly.
So much simmers under the suface, giving space to scream, cry, yell, then time to sit and write and reflect, then time to bathe it all in forgiveness and metta.
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Khan has been kind of brutal…
I think, definitely in first stage, journalling is paramount.
Some kind of structure to work with all the changes.
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Had a dream where people kept coming up to me and hugging me and not wanting to let go. Like there was a queue.
Just putting in plans for the week ahead.
Next week is my last week with the first stages of Khan and Khan Black. Will take a four day washout then begin Stage 2 the week after.
Feel like a lot is being purged and although there is still more, I do not wish to remain in Stage 1 forever.
Khan Black 1 (15 min), Khan 1 (7:30)
RRRRAARRGH.
That is all.
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Well, that’s 2 cycles/6 weeks done with Stage 1 of Khan Black, Khan, and Love Bomb
Impressions?
Khan Black has assisted me with a relatively smooth six week period of abstinence and retention. It has also assisted in my energetic practices and meditation, noted by sensations of the energy moving inwardly, opening up stuck areas etc.
Khan Black also pushed some of my sexual shames/guilt/history into the forefront for me to deal with. This is a work in progress, but progress is being made here. With the assistance of…
Love Bomb
- This puppy is helping me to forgive my past and open to love.
Khan Total Breakdown
The grandaddy of them all, I feel. TB really pushed hard into my subconscious and chunked away some old psychic debris. I’ve spent many times crying, screaming, stomping, just processing out the gut-level energetic blocks to my free-flowing masculine energy.
Main observation points
Life/my own subconscious will bring up uncomfortable areas of life. With these subs, my approach is to quickly feel into the stuck emotional structures behind whatever trigger there is, get into them, and just… rip them up with Khan’s massive energy, and reclaim my anger/shadow/darkness, integrate it back in. And then bathe it with Love Bomb’s forgiveness.
Main sticking/growth points have been - anger at dad/history, shame over past, anxiety with women and socialising.
Making progress, but not by contorting myself. But my freeing myself.
How am I doing now?
Well - 6 weeks of Semen retention, meditation, KB, LB and Khan is definitely making some headway on my inner journey.
I’ll be moving to Stage 2 of both programs tomorrow for a further 2 cycles/6 weeks.
I notice some thoughts of craving for Wanted Black Love how I feel on it, potential of romance and Emperor Need to get my money up
But as meditation confirmed to me yet again today, my current combo of the two Khans with Love Bomb is healing my masculine soul. This is core. Maybe when I’m more established in the new way of being I can venture into more wealth and seduction.
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Week 1 done with Khan Black St2, Khan St2, and Love Bomb.
Mon - KB2 5m, K2 5m
Wed - KB2 5m, LB 5m
Fri - K2 5m, LB 5m
Noticed some thoughts/adjustments based on Khan as follows:
The idea occurred to me that when I experience guilt and fear in regards to another person, it is because I have externalised power onto them. The swift affirmation that others hold no authority over me, and that I am my own man arose - this is something I must hammer into my mind and body, the only one who has been holding me back from being, acting and feeling as a man is me - I have given my power away to my past too much. There continues to be quite intense emotions of anger and anxiety to work through.
Khan is also bringing me to face the aspects of my life with which I am unsatisfied - MONEY and FAMILY keeps coming up as a re-occuring theme.
My shoes have fallen apart and I cannot even afford replacements until I get paid next week.
I am rationing my grocery money.
It’s depressing.
I cannot afford, literally, to be a brokie like this. Not when I want:
-Potentially to go to South America and go in with plant medicine
-To attend tantra trainings to heal and embody my sexuality
-To attend month-long yoga/meditation retreats to really connect in with spirit.
^^ Aka there are spiritual, sexual, transformational opporunities for me to really go deep and make big shifts, that require money
Money would also be required to:
- Get a home of my own
- Start and provide for a family
- Provide for older family members as they become less capable
Not to mention things in line with Wanted I’d want to do in the future like:
- Hair transplant, under-eye PRF
So between my ‘spiritual’ and ‘worldly’, serious and less serious wants and preferences, there is a huge need for capital.
Honestly, I’m tired of being broke.
The actions I’m taking at the moment are to continue working on my art, which I’ll be able to sell.
And I am investing/“partnered” in an SEO agency/rank-and-rent project
Neither are making me any money at this time.
I’m near-constantly FOMO’ing on my stack, some wealth scripting would be awesome. So many goals, it gets too wide. I’d look at customs but lo-and-behold, no money for them.
I’ll continue this cycle as I started.
Khan is a metric clusterbomb of destruction and reconstruction.
Experiencing some big emotional purges.
I feel like I’m discovering the man, the teenager, and the boy all at once.
They’ve been living compacted in my belly centre.
I do need to get my money situation sorted.
I am considering my stack.
Does Emperor also cover this gut-level reclamation of one’s masculinity?
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Khan is certainly digging in.
Questioning my why’s on wanting a family, the world I’d be wanting to bring children into, how much of i it is selfish security-seeking, etc.
So other updates on this run:
7 weeks retention completed (minor nocturnal event on day… 42?43?, but who is counting lol) I think Khan Black has been instrumental in helping with this. It feels like I’m giving my whole system a time to rest and rejuvenate. KB1 was a pattern-break and detox from my previous habits, KB2 feels like a gentle fortification/rejuvenation.
Questions on what an integratied sexuality looks like.
Lots of self-analysis.
Oh and rediscovering an old love for Aphex Twin, Autechre etc. finding some old classics on Youtube and reminiscing in the comments section. Sending messages of encouragement to those writing about their current difficulties there lol. LB.
Oh and, “I want to feel alive again. I want to bring some enjoyment back.”
There’s like a whole new person wanting to be discovered and come out?
And he’s me, before all the BS.
Monday - Khan Black St. 2 - 3 min, Khan St. 2 - 3 min
Wednesday - Khan St. 2 - 5 min, Love Bomb 5 min
Definite dip in mood, more lethargy etc. these past few days.
Increase in intrusive thoughts around things I feel guilty over and never ‘confessed’ to certain people in my life. Generally uncomfortable.
Forced myself to the gym today, and glad I went.
semen retention
3 days into my 8th week, and I ejaculated.
I was using the pump, and felt very excited.
As I was removing the pump at the end of the session, there was a release.
It was hands-free. I maybe went ‘with’ the pleasure a bit more than I ‘should’ have psychologically.
I don’t want to beat myself up for this, no. I’ve done great and I’m not allowing this to ‘stunt’ me.
I’ll continue until the end of the year.
The johnson is more responsive than he has been in a while, which is nice.
I’ve also for the past several days (since before this 'dip) been considering my stack.
Khan is forcing to my awareness the want to make more money. I am 37 years old and broke. I want to change this. I’m partnered/investing into an SEO agency and rank-and-rent, but still waiting for clients and profit. I’m working on art, which I’ll be able to put up for sale on digital marketplace and aiming to release by April 2025.
So, I am working on some ‘entrepeneurial’ pursuits, I guess you could say. Wealth scripting would be welcome and supportive to help me start winning in this area of life.
So basically, I’m considering the following stack:
Khan Black, Emperor and Wanted Black.
I continue with Khan Black to completion, over the long haul, as it is helping to heal and strengthen my sexual energetic system, which is very important to me. It can also assist me in my spiritual practices.
I pair this with Wanted Black because it has SO MANY features and benefits that fit like a glove to help me in life - physical shifting (I’m already weightlifting and looksmaxxing), verbal fluency, charisma, fun, self-love/acceptance/assurance/confidence, emotional control, sexual health and performance, not to mention outward manifestation of IOI from women etc. to help me get into a virtuous cycle with women.
Emperor as it still contains a focus on inner strength, resilience and maturity - much like Khan - but covers and supports my wealth goals and is an all around beast and tool and success in life.
So dropping Love Bomb for Wanted Black - still some selflove scripting but tailored so much to work with my romantic/interpersonal situation in general - I remember running it in past and some of the inner monologue that was coming up was SO healing.
and dropping Khan for Emperor - I’ve gone through the TB I wanted to,now I can continue to build whilst incluing my wealth goals.
I’ll probably be running Emperor as the main title, and KB/WB together in microloops, slowly slowly upping the exposure over the months. The emphasis is on Emperor to help my build myself up across the board, with KB/WB acting as supportive subs to help me in healing my sexuality, self-worth with the ladies, etc. in a gradual manner.
This cover inner strength, masculinity, ‘alpha’, self-love, social skills, romantic/seduction ability, sexual health and performance, physical shifting, wealth, emotional control, spirituality.
The other direction I could go is to expand on my Khan Total Breakdown experience by going into Dragon Reborn. Some stubborn trauma held in my body and experienced as guilt, anxiety, anger etc. lingers, and perhaps dealing with that should take precedence. Then it’d be a Dragon Reborn, perhaps alongside Sanguine and/or Emperor.
omfg, i was laughing my ass off watching and thinking of ur meme format
“too long have you sat in the shadows…”
Also…
Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli - SaintSovereign, Fire, and RVConsultant
“His subs… I told you to take his subs!” 
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We could get really metaphysical on this with the quote
“If I (Saruman) goes, Theoden (you) dies.”
That’s the belief, right? Sure, it might be Saruman’s THOUGHTS that are coming out with that phrase, but it’s Theoden that is the one who actually says it.
That’s kind of like clinging on to the old beliefs.
I like this quote a counselor friend of mine told me. 99% of the time, anxiety isn’t about something that might happen in the future, it’s about something that already happened in the past.
Most limiting beliefs are protection mechanisms, designed to keep you safe. If you got bullied in high school, then social anxiety is your protection mechanism to stop you from socailizing so you don’t get bullied again. Fear of success is a fear of committing to really trying, because you hate the feeling of failure so much. Etc., etc.
So he really is onto something when he says “If my limiting beliefs leave me, I might die.”
Adding even further evidence to this, he says “I will draw you Saruman, as poison is drawn from a wound.”
Our limiting beliefs are caused by wounds, and even when they have us on the brink of death, suffering, miserable, ruining the lives of everyone around us, we cling to them for fear of our own safety and how terrifying life would be without them.
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Idk if it’s Khan triggering this in me, or maybe just the holidays coming up next month, but I’ve been having a huge resurgence of guilt and struggle in my mind regarding one of my family members.
Secrets - urge to confess - urge to NOT confess but deal with it alone - that paralysing trap.
Must a man be honest to a fault, always, to be good?
There’s a certain cool clarity in directness.
A certain fire.
But christ, what about mercy? Lies by ommission to protect oneself.
To torture yourself mentally over these things, idk. Not thinking clearly.
I was going to try and get in-depth analysing the situation over which I feel guilt and anxiety, but my brain fog is 9/10… probably exhaustion.
Edit: Sat and did some analysis with good ole pen and paper.
After some introspection and consultation, I’ve settled on a stack to build me up. Will stick to this for 3 months minimum.
Monday - Emperor 1:00, Sanguine 10:00
Wednesday - Emperor 1:30, Sanguine 10:00
Friday - Wanted Black 1:00, Sanguine 10:00
Running Sanguine as my main subliminal, resolving tension, anxiety, negative thinking etc. is of utmost importance. What point is any of the rest of it, if the mind and body are too stressed. Health first.
Running Emperor as my secondary sub, to build resilience, and for overall growth and development. Succesful in all regards.
Wanted Black as a tertiary sub, running in microloops once a week - this is to help with my many aspects of my body, personality, and ‘passive’ attraction.
Impressions from frist week on this tack:
It’s working.
From considering new resources and supplements to aid in relaxation from Sanguine, defining my goals and formulating habits from Emperor, to taking extra care of my appearance, dress etc. with WB, it feels like this will be an overall stack for success.
Received a couple IOIs also, which is historically ‘rare’ for me.
Had a really productive week with my art. Got myself back to the gym with a discipline that had evaded me last week. - Emperor
More smooth, fluent engaging conversation, more wit and humour, deeper voice, I have a sense that my eye contact is more warm - WB.
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