VIVID WEIRD DREAM
I was running fun the protagonist of an anime. Izuku Midoriya, aka Deku specifically. I was running fit my life and they said something about me “losing sensitivity”. I had no clue what the hell that meant. But right before I woke up, I realized I was a woman and he had fornication with me. I instantly knew this was some sort of metaphor for porn users and excuses that I made to continue
Ok. I’ have thought about it, meditated on it and read this forum. I’m really wondering if this whole “women trying to seduce me” can really happen for me. But at the same time I can recognize that the subs did actually change me a bit for the better. So I’ll do one more run of
Khan Black Stage 1, Wanted Black and I’m weighing my options between
A. Primal Nights
B.Love Bomb or
C.Love Bomb for Humanity
I think it’ll break through in a more obvious
way after a second cycle.
I did find it way easier to refrain from masturbating once I internally began to see myself as a person that doesn’t masturbate. So mayhaps that’s the beginning to seeing more results on these subliminals, not seeing them as adding anything. Just seeing myself as the thing and the subliminal is just some noise I listen to before bed
1 Like
I’ve had the Satanic Ritual of Healing and Lust and the Mass of Qliphotic Allure from VK Jehannum preformed over me.
I added Primal Nights to my stack.
Now it’s Khan Black, Wanted Black and Primal Nights. I started today with the 9 energizing breaths exercise. As soon as i did it I felt energetic. Maybe I’ll start experimenting with doing it closerto when I’ll be around women. I’m absolutely determined to get this…deficiency behind me. Honestly, my plan is to get to a point where I don’t feel like romance is an arduous task, then create a custom so that I can keep that aspect of my life solved while I fix the rest of it. But that’s thinking far ahead. I’m not even done with my second cycle of Khan Black yet.
Just finished my first session of Zhang Zhung Qigong. It was harder than I thought. It reminded me of when I used to do tai chi as a teen but for some reason, I can’t feel the energy as strongly. No matter. I’m about to do the 1 hour macrocosmic orbit meditation then knock out.
I keep meaning to say this. I’m not sure if it’s the Wanted Black scripting that causes self love and acceptance. My body dysmorphia and feeling that in my athletic enough isn’t as… loud in my mind.
Today, I was fantasizing about how much faster I’d be getting bigger and stronger if I switched to Spartan+Emperor Fitness. Possibly recon.
I had a slight moment where I dwelled on women that I should’ve spoken to but didn’t. Snapped myself out of it because it’s unproductive. Spoke to a couple girls today. One seemed open to continue talking and the other wasn’t. But I was more attracted to the one that seemed uninterested.
I did the 8 mental- physics breathing exercise, 10 minutes of Zhan Zhuang Qigong. Then I did an empowered angel ritual with Iyahel (#67) to “have a breakthrough” regarding these subliminals that I’m using and followed up with Celestial angel Sa’d Bula (№23) and asked for the same.
I’m still hanging in there. I have yet to give up the subs. I’m at level 2 of reiki, got the Sanctification of La Santisima performed over me by VK Jehannum.
I realized that I am expecting more than I should. I repeated stage 1, so it’s only healing. Stage 2 is where I should start getting interest/attention. I did several rounds of sun breathing today, visualizing the sun burning through my sexual limitations and blockages.
Also did the mental physical exercises of pranic healing while visualizing working with Aphrodite’s energy.
I’m not sure if it’s recon, growth, me lusting for results and getting discouraged or what. But I am experiencing a desire to either delve into emperor or go back to Stark. But I keep telling myself that I have to finish what I started.
This has probably been one of the biggest limiting factors in my life thus far. If I would just stick with something long term, rather than dipping my toe into it, I would be much further along in life. So at this point, it’s not even just about reaching the land of milk and honey so to speak. It’s about staying consistent long enough to get there. I’m never going to achieve a single thing worth mentioning if I don’t buckle down and put my nose to a grindstone. ANY grindstone, at this point.
I said hello to a woman, she was cute and seemed responsive. But I left the interaction before “feeling” that the interaction was over. Long story short, thought too hard about it, walked back over to her and got her Instagram. I know there’s veritable Casanovas on here, but this is notable considering my norm before subs
1 Like
I just had an interaction with another woman. I’m making my mind up to say something to them faster, but the problems from my perspective are that I’m not encouraging the interaction to continue and (most importantly, in my opinion) they just don’t find me that attractive.
I’ve read things where the gist of it is you have to be “congruent” with attractiveness, and there may be something to that. But I’m trying to get to a point that the majority of my interactions seem effortless because they’re already interested. I can’t bring myself to believe that it’s a pipe dream because I felt it before
Got news that my unit will deploy in the next few months (I’m in the army). I want that to happen purely because it’s my most obvious way of making money, and I can use that time to really nail down how I’m going to achieve everything I want for myself.
Even so, I should still have time to finish my run of Khan Black which is what I really feel like I need to do. I’m no longer motivated, because I have yet to see what I initially thought I would, but I am dedicated, so I won’t allow myself to just stop
So my thoughts are way more scattered than when I was in Stark. I want to get off this stack. But I’m torn between finishing what I started and actually making progress in things that are higher on my priority list.
I got my level 3 reiki attunement last night. I also had this interaction with a cashier that was interesting. I went looking for a protein bar before I headed towards the gym. She asked me “Is this all?” I reply “Yup”, not thinking much of it. And she says “Wow, you must’ve been really hungry”. I paid cash and there was some change. She put her hand close enough to my hand that it brushed the hairs on the back of my hand and gave me my change. So yeah, my stack is doing something. It’s not super obvious, but it’s working.
I have reached master level at reiki.
I started doing Shamanic Qigong, and that’s an even more powerful practice than the Zhang Zhuang in my opinion. Also, do not be afraid to mix/ try different qigong practices. They cultivate energy different ways, but it’s like different workout routines. There’s definitely things that are more suitable to different goals, but if a marathon runner sprints, they aren’t going to die.
I start a new cycle on Wednesday. I have a few days to really think about whether I even want to bother with Wanted Black and Primal Nights, or whether I should revisit this at a different time in my life