ok fuck im going to try to invest more in this journal.
first off this is a very hard program, 2 weeks ago my main focus and spiritual epiphany was as follows
this is during the time i got laid for the first time in 1 year, in a country neighboring to mine.
majority of girls gave me massive IOI’s, some were insane and over the top.
YET, I didn’t succeed in the long run with many of them, as a matter of fact none stayed along.
yes even the ones who said im like a greed god casanova bla bla, they all left.
I have an inner spiritual war week after week on this program so it naturally went onto this.
THIS WEEK, all im getting is signs that i shouldnt ever be interested in a girl in the first place.
like these girls show IOIs and when we’re vibing they vibe they agree to everything i tell them even if i say lets go back to my place and ill let u sit on my lap and we can talk about the first thing that pops up, yet! the next day im out of their life.
I’m starting to see the intense ultra super appeal of just not being interested at all in girls apart from being sexual (literally giving them: I’m horny energy) so i tried
yesterday i was at a party and made it my goal to be super cool and it worked.
I just never really fixated on a girl, at the end of the night i realized i was the top wanted guy there.
How do I know?
I just know.
I was oozing appeal and on top of that i was 3 loops on libertine.
i KEPT doing this, this engaged woman was the one girl i wanted most, all girls were hot but I knew i cannot sell myself to a single girl tonight, and this woman was in my group of 4.
no matter how many times we vibed and talked, I leaned back after done away from her
THIS WAS NOT A GAME GUYS
I WANTED TO NEVER BE INTERESTED IN A GIRL.
i love talking to them and fucking them but i wanna reach the next level.
I have to let them chase.
she chased so hard and i kept flexing on the entire group with just my calm tone and my constant smiling to their wanting to impress me with stories and encouraging them that she eventually gave a compliment from the heavens
doesnt sound like much if i type here but i could feel the energy behind it, it had desperation and thats something i havent felt towards me since i was 15
how did i answer?
a sarcastic “thanks”
as if to say “thanks I REALLY needed your approval”
im on my second break day today and waiting for the next week of epiphany and action
on another note I’m also loved by every single male who comes in my vecinity, that or theyre intimdated. if they do decide to open up theyll love me like they met jesus
!!