it is washout day 5…the past few days seemed to have a lot of things coming up and merging together….I started to see more changes
1:the shadow selfs emerged…there were parts that I denied and refused to feel ,such as being empathized with others…being gentle,the softer side that had been deemed not so manly。surfacing up and not in a overtly way…just a healthy amount。I am showing those qualities to others…and most importantly, to myself…different parts merge coherently….
2: I could clearly sense the nervous system relaxation script working …my body is calm…my shoulder sinks…I dont feel that intense lifting upper body…my whole body‘s center of gravity lowers down…I can feel more grounded to my body and the earth ground…it is a different type of relaxation….
3: few years ago ,I created an alter ego to help myself developing a set of new qualities…over times,I gradually exceeded that alter ego…so I dropped it…just forgot it literally…until recently I saw people talking about the alter ego subject…I decided to do a check on it to see how everything is going…I started to have a conversation with it ….to my surprise,it outgrows my expectation of it…it acts like a really wise ,matured and intelligent man…a role model or ideal parent the younger version me would die to have…he feels like a spiritual leader…what he said just resonates with me …what‘s more ?those insights somehow clicks with me like open up doors in my mind….possibility that didn’t realize before now seems really probable…I absorb what he tell me…
it‘s just a beginning…I listened to one loop five days ago…who knows what will comes next ? 
