Stack: fucked.
I’ll try my best to stick with the plan, but I doubt my willpower is strong enough, lol.
Seems like HLB is gonna be more focused on mastery and perfection than HeO.
This is exactly what i want.
My willpower is being tested so hard right now.
I’m taking an early break from LE.
I have nothing in my stack anymore.
That means the rest of this month will be a long washout.
Unless they update LE this month, lol.
I want to get a better view of how it feels without a productivity sub.
I’ve been using subs with that for more than 2 years anyway.
I’m gonna YOLO WB once i get my hand on an anti recon sub.
Either when I buy EE next month, or when LE gets updated. Whichever comes first.
After the talk about WB and the expansion from AHJ, I’m starting to see the thrill in this.
I’ll be able to make space in my daily schedule for WB too.
Unless there’s an emergency.
Nothing is better to test this new tech than using a sub that immobilized me in recon for months.
I expect this experiment to take 1-2 months max.
I can spare time for this. Maybe delay HeO even more (so i’ll take a 3 months break instead of only 1) so it won’t be too kitchen sink-y.
I’ll be relying solely on EE/LE’s ability to solve WB’s recon and to maintain the productivity. This will be a good benchmark to see how effective the new scripting & update are.
I was clearing low quality replies when I saw this:
What the fuck?
I forgot this happened.
Well, judging by how I don’t get that anymore, I think it was caused by stacking HeO + DRLD.
DRLD combined with any productivity sub is a beast. It was laser focused on destroying any limitation.
There’s self care scripting in DRLD, but I think it needs to be dialled up a bit more like how EE is being rebalanced.
I wonder how DRLD will be updated later with the addition of NSE & ZPU.
I remember I used to get nightmare when using subs almost every night back then.
I’m glad it’s mostly over now.
It was the worst when using WB.
I wonder how I’d fare with it now after more than a year of not using WB.
Should I try now before LE gets updated/buy EE next month?
This is gonna be different from my plan yesterday.
I have the time & space since I’ve hollowed out this month in preparation for DRR2’s recon (that I ended up dropping in favor of AHJ, after DRR2 revealed to me what path I should take next).
Maybe I’ll run a 25s loop just to see how much I’ve progressed.
My max before I got a lethargy recon back then was 24s. So this would be a good way to gauge how far I’ve progressed since back then.
Fuck it, what if I just add AHJ back to the stack again now instead of waiting for next month.
I have prepared for DRR’s recon, this has cost me a lot.
It’s going to waste if I don’t use this opportunity to its fullest.
Honestly, the reasoning is completely reactionary & irrational, other than “fuck man, I spent so much in preparation for DRR’s recon”. I can’t get that out of my head. I know it would be better if I continued with the long washout. But this is haunting me.
Well, I guess I’ll treat this as a well needed rest from all the productivity stuff.
It has been a year of just fucking working. I deserve this.
Back then my focus was split. Now I’ll go all in on WB for the later half of this month.
Objective: Fuck. Hard.
At least for this month. I have the time. If my productivity ended up going down the drain, so be it.
This could be AHJ’s recon now that I think about it. I do feel the dissonance between what it expanded in me and what I expected. But I won’t go straight to blaming a sub over my own irrational decision.
Edit:
You know what? I think there’s merit in thinking this way.
It could be recon.
I’m gonna suspend this idea of using WB.
I’m glad I wrote all of these. I don’t feel as restless anymore & I gained more clarity.
I was doing a deep introspection while reading my journal to see what the fuck happened in the past 30 days.
I planned to switch subs (and went ahead with some) so many times.
What the fuck is wrong with me.
I concluded that it might be recon from AHJ + the instability trying to figure out wtf i want to proceed with the new goals shown by it + too much free time than usual + the push to use that time to get as much as i can from it since i’ve prepared it & before i can’t spare my time anymore + etc.
God that was a mess.
I’m glad i journaled at least some of it here. That helped a lot with finding clarity.
I need to think things through before i start listening to subs.
AHJ is still gonna stay.
DRR2 showed me the value of what AHJ can give me, and i’m willing to take the gamble for it.
But anything else that came after it was a recon minefield.
Hyperman brought a valuable idea back into my consciousness.
The wish to switch subs might be a signal that the sub you’re using is working on said topic.
That’s right, i feel like something is missing, but nothing is actually missing.
My goal is the raw fulfillment from AHJ that DRR2 led towards.
I started to think that i need this, i need that, wanna try this that.
When I actually just needed to relax and enjoy AHJ’s effects. Because that’s the whole goal of this whole ordeal.
Sigh… this goes to my list of reasons to never jump straight to 15m on a sub.
I really fucked around and found out with this one, rofl.
I have been in the same situation.
With that experience under my belt and now reading it from an outside perspective, its clear to me that in order to be able to live that raw fulfillment from AHJ, its necessary to address the inner voids, which will feel like you need a lot of stuff, while it comes to the surface to be released.
The hardest part is to actually realize that it is as easy as in relax and enjoy the ride…
I haven’t thought about it from this perspective.
I’m using AHJ to give me extra fulfilment on top of what HeO has given me.
So it’s building more on top of something instead of filling a void.
But what if it IS a void?
I stick with what I do now because it’s the most fulfilling out of everything else I do.
Some things make me happy, but not fulfilled. I cut most of these out of my life, keeping it minimal.
Some make me feel fulfilled, but the happiness I get from them is spotty. This is what I’m focusing on.
HeO pushed me more to the latter, while DRR2 & AHJ are seemingly pushing me to the former.
What if there’s a void that I wasn’t aware of that AHJ is trying to push me towards?
I feel bad doing them, the happiness feels hollow if it’s not fulfilling.
What I’m trying to get from AHJ is to get more from what I already do, not to explore outside.
But what if gaining understanding by experiencing more can lead me towards what I want from AHJ?
What if there are undiscovered voids that, when they get filled, will lead to improvements everywhere else?
I need to do more introspection on this.
I missed a listening day, lol.
But it’s good that I’m finally over that “switch subs” recon after I journaled all of those above.
I didn’t get the urge to change something by listening to subs.
Journaling does help after all.
Well, it’s not gonna stay after HLB is released.
Depending on its content, I either have to wait until next year, or I could drop HeO & run HLB + DRG instead.
Update 1:
I didn’t listen today either.
Well, I’ll take this extra restday too.
Weird.
It’s like my body just “knows” that i need to take a long washout.
Well, i’ll follow this intuition until i get the urge to listen to subs again.
I can’t take the gamble on AHJ anymore.
I lost the leeway to continue doing so.
Time to focus again.
Maybe I’ll try to approach it again when I’m able to.
But I just can’t deal with anything that derails me from my goals.
It’s too narrow to allow me to branch out, and I like it this way.
DRR is still on the menu though.
It might derail me, but it’s not severe and I know what to expect.
This makes me think about the new HLB.
It’s gonna be another multistager on top of another multistager on top of a dense artisanal title.
Not to mention that it might introduce another layer of derailment that I can’t handle yet.
I guess it really has to wait. Taking it now is too risky.
Still no urge to listen yet.
I guess the urge to take a long washout wasn’t one of the recon back then. It was actually my intuition telling me to chill out and process things thoroughly before going back to subs again.
I feel… light.
Lighter than when I microlooped the hell out of subs + using shorter cycles.
This feels good. I need to take long washouts seriously from now on.
2+ years of nonstop sub use without a long washout is bound to strain me at some point.
When you return, are you going to try a solo title cycle?
I doubt I’ll be able to stick to just one, rofl.
1 will give me the fastest result, but i have no sub that requires such focus.
2 feels like the right balance.
One as the main archetypal sub (HeO), the other as a booster (DRR, LE etc).
I think there’s no reason not to use a booster when i have the slot for it.
No urge to listen yet.
While it feels lighter, I also feel things are starting to slip up.
It’s a good time to take action.
Oh I think I was stupid.
I was reading my journal again and then I realized, I wasn’t done with slowly increasing RM:UWX’s exposure. That was why I felt uncomfortable with the “manifesting the past” effect a few months ago. It was too much too quickly. I should have continued increasing it instead of jumping straight to 15m.
Damn that’s a blunder.
–
Some subs reminded me of my past, but RM:UWX was unique. It didn’t just remind, it actively brought things back. It was manifesting on top of reminding.
I’m sure it was not just confirmation bias either.
If I start with shorter loops again, I might be able to take it slower in a pace that I’m comfortable with.
I won’t, I’d rather wait for RM:UA as it has a wider scope than UWX. But this is a good reference point when I start UA later.
It’s getting increasingly hard to stuff subs into my stack.
I have 4 subs in rotation
HeO, DRR, HLB, & LE (+ Paragon later in a custom)
I think I will get another custom once both HeO & UA are updated.
Or I could streamline the stack even further by dropping HeO & relying solely on DRG & HLB.
It’s time to listen again.
I suddenly felt that “yep, now”.
It must be my intuition giving me the signal.
2+ weeks of washout. Not bad.
Oh shit.
I’m scared.
I didn’t notice the gravity of this feeling until now.
So this is the block that I’ve been having.
Well, now that I’m aware of the problem, I can start taking better actions.
3 weeks left until spring is over.
I’ll wait for LE’s update while catching up with HeO in the meantime.
I expected it to come sooner, but i suppose we’ll have to wait longer.
HeO was supposed to be in a break for longer, but i’ll use it sooner just because nothing is filling its spot right now. The plan was to take a break from HeO, use the updated LE/EE without it to gain more clarity, then add HeO back into the stack.
Now I can’t use both. LE is not updated yet and EE is a new sub. I can’t go on another sub hopping spree with a new sub right after i did one a while ago, even after a long washout.
1.5 months of break from HeO is not bad either.
I’d rather use HeO than any other sub at this moment.
No recon from DRR2. 30s.
Microlooping is the key.
I wonder whether I’ll be able to surpass 50s now.
I’ll take it slow, 35s next, then 40s.
My problem with DRR2 was jumping ahead too quickly.
I should have started with a microloop half a year ago.
Well, I did expect it to be just as smooth as DRR1 back then, so I did jump the gun.
Funny how I started DRR1, a sub that’s almost invisible to me, from +3s every listening day, while jumping straight to 15m of DRR2, a sub that I should start microlooping with instead.