Get ready the aliens are going to show up!!
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lol no. Donāt recall if Iāve ever run it actually. Donāt think so 
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I canāt stop laughing, and I donāt know why!
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I donāt know. Because the whole AI thing is ridiculous maybe 
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Before bed, I ran 10 minutes each of IB1, Alchemist: Singularity, GLM: At the Top.
Holy fuckin recon.
I donāt get recon much anymore. Since I basically go for minimal exposure to get scripting āin thereā to let it add to my baseline.
This, I ended up PMing @TheEmpress about. I couldnāt sleep. At all. Anyone who knows me knows that takes a lot. I usually can fall sleep within 5 minutes.
I had so much anger coming up and out (a lot of it at myself for not being āMan enoughā)
Instead of my usual practice of distracting it with zoning out to music or whatever methods, I laid there in bed, just letting it move in my body or whatever else needs to happen.
Feelings of anger, desperation, feeling unable to live the life I want because it could most likely āhurt other peopleās feelingsā
At some point, I felt ready and able to do my usual self-hypnotic āfall asleepā trick I do. I still was feeling stuff but figured I can sleep while thatās going on.
Then today Iām reading the entry from The Ayn Rand Lexicon entry on āsanction of the victimā. That concept first jumped out at me reading Atlas Shrugged. Galt and Rearden both hit on the idea.
A like from Galtās radio speech:
āI saw that I could put an end to your outrages by pronouncing a single word in my mind. I pronounced it. The word was ānoāā
Which led me to repeat the Oath:
I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
Going forward, Iām torn between sticking with 10-minutes each and feel the muck. Or maybe doing 5 mins each. Let it still work under the surface hopefully without being debilitatingly reconny.
But then would I notice it working as easily?
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Came to work and on the way realized I forgot my egg white wraps and other stuff like bacon, pepperoni, sausage, etc. basically a protein fast.
Wife says ājust buy something you can have on your lunchā
Me: naw, Iāll just eat tomorrow.
Her: you canāt NOT eat!
Me: I went 3 days on only water, tea and coffee the last time I did this in 2022. Iāll be fine.
I bought some baked chicken for my work lunch. Basically no carbs to speak of, except maybe a smattering in the skin.
Enough to hold me until tomorrow
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Iām running DRR1 and IB3 (Heartsong/S&SX custom). Full masked both.
Running HS less for manifesting soulmate or fixing relationship. Consciously guiding more toward developing the guts/fortitude to be honest with wife about realizing I love Cart Girl.
I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.
Being loathe to āhurt her feelingsā is indeed holding myself back for her sake at the expense of my own happiness. I know this.
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Definitely a very brave step you want to take.
May I ask you a question? Are you absolutely sure that you love the other woman, or do you just love the feeling she gives you?
Love is not always linear. There are never just good or just bad times. Itās always a mix of both.
Do you know the 80/20 principle?
At the beginning, you often see 100% perfection because the rose-colored glasses make everything seem ideal. Over time, though, you realize that only 80% truly fit ā and those missing 20% become much more noticeable.
Hereās the danger: Many people end up focusing more on those missing 20% instead of appreciating the 80% that works well. This can lead to searching for exactly those 20% outside of the relationship ā whether in daydreams, in other people, or in unfulfilled desires.
Consciously or unconsciously.
If you then actually meet someone new who offers exactly those 20%, it might seem tempting. But often, you quickly realize: These 20% donāt replace the original 80%, and suddenly, you miss what you had before.
The key is to be aware: No relationship will ever be 100% perfect. The art is to appreciate the 80% that truly matter, rather than getting distracted by the missing 20%.
So again: Are you absolutely sure that you have feelings for the other woman?
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Never 100% sure about such things that early in.
Heartsongās healing should help me gain clarity. Thatās the plan anyway. Iām in no rush to act until Iām more certain of anything.
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I am sure itās love. In the sense that Ayn Rand talks about. Iām in love with her sense of life.
So far, everything I know about her, our values in certain areas of life mesh very well.
I can see a possible future of us building an empire together.
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@Geoff recently helped me come up with a plan.
Run Khan and the GLM At the Top thing I bought.
Did K1 and GLM thing yesterday.
Woke up today feeling like I donāt have a shot in hell with either cart girl or anyone. Feeling like nothing matters. Guess K1 is doing its thing.
Just feel like doing nothing all day. But I have work today.
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Ran the 2nd of 3 runs of K1 and GLM just now.
After that first loop my thought was already on āthis is too much. Make it stop!ā
So. I pushed through.
Even while running the stack today I felt the sadness intensifying.
Must be hitting on some deep structures/patterns.
I think the GLM having the added intensity (or whatever it is) of ZPQ makes it hit harder.
Canāt even imagine stacking this GLM build with Heartsong.
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Recon passed at work.
Cart Girl was having a shit day, as was I. She was ātired, but not sleepy tired. Iām just tired.ā I said āMe tooā
The more we were around each other, the more energetic we both got. Like being around each other cheered us both up mutually.
By the time she got off work, we were both OK.
I realized just now that itās been 10 days since Iāve nutted. I read in some stuff by Mike Haines that if you retain semen for 14 days minimum, there are benefits from it. Even in terms of āauraā.
There was one time in the past few nights that the wife was interested in sex, but I was busy working on something and told her ānot right now.ā Her interest was a bit lukewarm anyway.
And, if she REALLY wanted it, sheād have put more effort into it.
The really important part, though, is I turned it down. Instead of my usual āBetter jump all over that since I dunno when sheāll āofferā nextā
EDIT: proud of myself
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Iām running IB3 and GLM At the Top before sleep.
Listened to a Sara Bareilles song I havenāt heard in a while and it moved something in me.
āBraveā Is the song. Was at work when that song was on the store PA speakers. Wife used to poke and prod me when that song came on in regards to being ābraveā where my dad is concerned. (They donāt get along).
Prior to this, Iād read the scene in Atlas Shrugged where Rearden went on trial for selling an illegal shipment of The Metal to Ken Dannager. The speech he gave at his trial is one of the top 3 in the book. (Franciscoās speech about money, Reardenās at the trial, and Galtās radio speechā¦in that order IMO)
So that was already working in me again. Then that song came on the radio.
So I came home after work and listened to it and absorbed the lyrics again. First time in years.
Bam.
Iāve not been brave in a very long time.
IB3 and GLM At the Top it is.
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Leave the nest!
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So, so you think you can tell
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