A feeling like mourning the old selves that came before me. The ones that listened to Stark Black with devotion not caring about whether their worlds fell apart. Maybe in reaction to the faster speeds of growth that are being tested. At what point does the current you cease to exist? Consciously, I mean. If all of how we think is influenced by our subconscious structures, then wouldn’t that mean that the moment even one changes, we’ve become a different person? Wouldn’t committing yourself to growth and achieving your goals essentially mean willingly killing yourself every day? You work towards something you want, and at the end of the day, entrust that thing to the you that exists the next day. I guess that’s why the mourning feeling is there. If anything, the emotion feels stronger when the devotion is stronger. Even if temporary, a limiting belief or structure was a part of you, especially if it helped you get to the things that you wanted. It feels like the devotion is going up. Those beliefs are willing to die so that I can get what I want, to sacrifice themselves for my happiness. It’s a little heartfelt and melancholy, since that directly means I’ll be able to move forward faster, but at the same time, it means that “I” am being valued more than anything else that used to exist. Those structures died for me, even knowing I could change my mind or decide to do something else after. That’s how special the me now is considered.
Collecting authorships like they’re candy.
Interesting day and overall externally positive, although I know there’s a lot going on internally that I’m not even used to. WDB is doing its thing, SB is doing its thing, even RAIKOV is doing its thing. A lot of healing and reorienting, but they’re seeing expression already. Stress is existing less and less, since the pressure to be someone else or an “ideal” version of me is fading. The old ideal is getting updated, and without me realizing it, I started becoming him. I always had the mindset that “Future me can decide what’s right and wrong. He’s guaranteed to have grown, so he’ll have achieved everything I want. If he’s everything I want to be, then he’s the one qualified to have his worldview considered ‘objective’.” Now I’m considered an ideal in some ways, so the responsibility of having a clearer worldview falls on me. Not perfect, but it’s like the past versions of me are relying on me as a mentor, to give them what they wanted and show them what of their worldview was correct or not. I guess it’s on me to resolve that and work through the topics all three subs are hitting right now. Since my results haven’t been as in my face as usual, I’m assuming I need to work through this stuff to hit a bigger breakthrough. Whatever, I’m used to this. I’ve done more than this, I’ve done the work to get here countless times. Keep moving forward with devotion
I’d say my top three would be:
