Day 3/21 Emperor and Mogul.
Another Novel, House Pyro isn’t be so quiet, what is going on?
I woke up with a slight pressure in my heart center. I have not felt this since QV2 so HoM is really challenging me to the next level. The pressure is definitely not as intense as QV2 which caused tears at times.
I noticed my libido absolutely tanked even with My ADHD medicine which increases it. When reading the Khan thread I way like damn all the sexually charged energy these guys are feeling and I’m sitting on E which is very not normal for me. This is a clear sign of recon when starting new subliminals in my experience either ZP.
It is a very freeing thought when you are able to step out of yourself while you feel confused or frustrated and go oh that’s just recon, ehh it will go away.
It looks like Medici wanted to work on relationships today:
I notice I am more willing to set boundaries and be careful of what enters my brain. I read or at least scan ALL of the threads and am willing to block posters who just bring me down after reading their comments. I do the same thing with friends naturally.
Unfortunately since college it’s hard for me to make friends and I am all too willing to let friendships that are toxic or do not serve me go. My group of individuals keeps getting smaller, but the ones I am friends with, our bonds are very strong. I have a friend that lives about 5 states away from me and yet we play discord and d&d together and he is becoming more and more one of my best friends if not already and I haven’t seen him since my wedding, but people who live in the same city as me I barely talk to anymore. I don’t do blowouts with friends when leaving, I just start inching my way out the door until it seemed like a natural exit. I have learned that it’s good not to burn bridges because certain friends who I was close to having a blowout with but didn’t reach out later in life and now we are good friends again. Kinda funny how things work out.
I also have those great friendships where we won’t talk or hang out for months, but when we get together or talk we always pick up right where we left off and you couldn’t tell we hadn’t communicated in over 5 months.
It is very clear that I desire a smaller quality of friendships and not just superficial relationships with a lot of people (nothing wrong with that if that’s your desire, I love that we all have different goals. It makes the world a much more vibrant interesting place.)
I also noticed last night while being with my wife the feeling of knowing that I can make an even deeper connection with her than what I previously thought possible.
HoM directed my perception and allowed my focus me to really pay attention to how Saint has handled various forum members vying for his attention and trying to trip him up. And study it like athletes study film.
He clears the record straight, takes any necessary action and moves on. More importantly he forgave someone that betrayed trust and did serious damage. (For people that didn’t think he did damage I still have misgivings about QV2 despite knowing it was an upgrade logically. I think this damaged my QV2 results (not trying to blame just stating facts from my point of view reflecting back)) and why ZP seemed to hit me like a golden river of gold. I know me being untreated for ADHD my entire life also could have hindered my results despite trying to take any action I thought would push the needle forward. It was like pushing up a Boulder up a mountain that felt like it would never end.
That takes a lot of… Idk heart? confidence? Zenness? I can’t seem to find the word.
He does this even though it absolutely takes time and energy away from him finding ways to advance human potential because it is vital to silence and dispatch your enemies and make sure your narrative is the one that is in accounting terms is “the wall of truth.”. (Note: critics and enemies are vastly different, critics are those that judge, enemies try and take you down.)
He also tries to be empathetic with those who lash out or have wronged him or others. I have been doing this a lot lately, maybe it’s something lingering from chosen, but I do not judge others as harshly or often. Instead I get curious about why they are lashing out and try to be empathetic. I find that actually putting myself in their shoes helps me find peace with them or the situation. (It’s one thing to say it as a cliche, it’s another thing to internalize it and realize why it’s such a cliche). It has become almost unconsciously that I do this and it has really helped relationships with others (Wow the realizations with HoM are powerful) This really has had a tremendous impact on my marriage.
It’s not easy loving someone with ADHD and untreated ADHD cyclical depression. No wonder she gently persisted so long to get me to see a therapist and then had to gently nudge a very stubborn individual to see a psychiatrist. I have got to be one of the luckiest men on the planet. Only had to date on girl and she turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me (we have been together for 9 years, this is no honeymoon feeling.)
is quite an adventure.