The loop felt like it was over too quickly 
Anyways, I’m not really going to say anything about LB ZP yet, will update on that after I go to the gym and all, but for now, I want to share something with y’all.
So I never really opened up here as much as you guys think, like yeah I talked about that one relationship that messed me up inside, with the ex who traveled abroad to study, but that was just one of things that used to haunt me.
There’s a reason why I don’t run healing subs, and there’s a reason why I also say that the ZP script’s healing is enough, because I have healed quite a bit without running a single healing title in my subclub journey.
So what is this one thing I wanted to share?
My relationship with my parents, specifically my father.
You see, my dad was a pilot up until the end of 2017, and before that, he was always traveling due to the nature of his job, plus the fact that he always asked for more flights (for bonuses and promotions), which lead to me growing up most of my life without my dad really being around.
That had its own effect on me, more than my 2 siblings, because as I’m the oldest of the 3, I was the one who “felt” it the most.
There were months at a time, where the average time I would see my dad would total to a week or 2, MAX. There were times when I would get awarded at school for my accomplishments, but never having my dad show up, in fact, I was once awarded as the 3rd best junior mathematician in the country (I was 12, against 17 year olds), and even then he didn’t show up. All that, and more throughout the years, lead to me developing this hidden resentment in my heart for him, and it was there even when I started my subclub journey, like when I finished my dissertation, he was the only one not mentioned in my acknowledgments, plus he still sometimes ignores me like I don’t matter, like he didn’t even show up to my graduation last month 
.
But even with all that, I still love my dad, he has made a lot of sacrifices so that our family can live the way we live now, in fact, I often mentioned how I dropped out of my Computer Science course from a University in UK, and well, I was on a scholarship from the government, but when you drop out of a uni like that while on a scholarship, all the money they paid for you, becomes a debt, which you either pay up, or just have to graduate from a uni while paying yourself, and they’d take it off, and just for that, my dad not only handled it well, but he made sure I wouldn’t go through any issues and paid for my degree. THAT’S LOVE.
So yeah, that’s why there was a quote from Fight Club in my journal last night, it came to my mind because of something, but then I started thinking about the movie, and how it was targeted towards males (specifically fatherless males), and how it spoke to me so much before because of my resentment towards my dad barely ever being there, but I don’t have any kind of resentment towards my dad anymore.
(people chasing u)
