Khan and Ascension can help with confidence. If you find Primal is working, then great!
Before this discussion I was actually thinking of adding Wanted (or swap LBFH, which I have been using for 5 months, with it) to see more “tangible” effects.
I’ve PMOed for two conescutive days (I don’t even remember when this happened last time). Don’t know if it’s Primal or not, what I’m sure is that, as usual, it’s triggered by a sense of anxiety, unfitting, flatness…
This night I dreamed of being verbally attacked by other people about some behavior that would have been ethical but which I didn’t do.
Basically it was about having interest for others (which I’m missing almost completely since I’ve started used SC).
In my dream I was trying to verbally defend myself.
Lately I’ve noticed multiple times that in social situation, women try to have physical contact with me (masking it in some way or another).
I think I look quite intimidating though and it is difficult for someone to start a conversation with me. I’m always the one starting.
I’ve noticed a “deepening” in practices that involve physical awarness, and also more interest into them. More appreciation of my body and understaning of it’s mentally imposed limits.
Woke up a bit tired today.
I stayed in bad trying to sleep a bit more but my mind was rushing with thoughts about my business situation, what will happen if I leave my shop, etc…
As said before I think I would benefit from more social skills, charisma… in friendships, romance, career.
I’ve always been the solitary type, often looking intimidating and unapproachable to others.
Being Virgo rising, virgo ascendant while I’m always interesting in being of help to other I can be very judgmental and not willing to listen to “excuses” and that’s probably the kind of aura I often project.
I don’t want to listen to drama, I want solutions
So I was considering Khan for future listening (for the social aspect and more), but maybe it would make me even more intimidating lol.
For now I will still listen to Primal, maybe for another cycle or 2 (after this one), and maybe adding Wanted.
As always, any suggestions are welcome
Sex dreams continue. What I noticed last time though was that I was completely confident in my performance.
When I have sex dreams it is not uncommon for me to feel out of control, insecure, etc…
I’ve also noticed I’m basically dreaming of my parents every night.
I’ve lost them both quite recently.
I still feel pain and grief when I think about this, sometimes very strong sometimes it’s a mix of sadness and love, I’m not sure how to describe.
But dreams about them are never sad, frightening or annoying.
I hope it’is some healing taking place.
Today is a holiday in my country, so when I woke up early I stayed in bed for a while.
I’ve been having strong feelings of confusion about the direction of my life, what will happen if I sell my shop, if I can find another job, if it’s a good move etc.
I don’t have a great CV so this has given me anxious feelings and thoughts. It lasted I would say half an hour or so.
Then it resolved to an “I can do this” “I’ll be fine”.
Out of bed and I’m driven to do things, household chores, and I’m basically in a good mood.
I had a great time yesterday having dinner with a close friend of mine.
We talked a lot about life, relationships and so on.
I was really centered/grounded, being able to express complex and existential themes in “earthly terms”.
I always had a natural disposition for phylosiphy/spirituality but in the past I was only able to talk with another friend, being himself similar to me.
We could spend hours talking about these things, but in the end it remained an “airy interaction”, ineffable.
With other people? Mosto of the time they simply were speechless .
What I think that Primal is making me realise is grounding knowledge. As I said yeastarday I a was able to fluidly talk about similar matters but with deep humanity.
Walking back home I noticed a feeling of not having defenses, not because of being weak but because life around me isn’t threatening.
It was a subtle feeling, but quite obvious to realize how I (and problably most people) go around with a background feeling of fear, being somhow in danger, having to defend etc…
Instead Earth, with its energy felt embracing, conforting, sustaing, empowering.
Like a mother showing how life goes on by itself.
Everything else is human ego constantly “adding things” by confusing it with a lack to fill.
I was able to fix my oven and a clogged sink last night. Lately I feel the urge to put things in order and put in place.
No changes in the sexual/romantic or attraction, at least nothing that I’ve noticed, so maybe Primal is still in its intial phase on this area? IDK…
My mood is much better then it was when I listened to DR though, but I attribute that to LBFH or DR “resolution”.
(It should also be noted that last year I always listened to the full 15 minutes, while now I’m doing 5 minutes and following @Billions suggested schedule)
I wonder… is there any specific program to let go of past intimate relationships?
- Heal your previous romantic trauma and let yourself love fully. Break the limits you place on yourself due to what happened in the past.
From personal experience it works really well at doing exactly what you ask.
Yes I’ve seen that one but I was thinking more about letting go without necessarily falling into a new one though
(Of course mine can be just resistance due to past suffering as suggested above)
I guess the only way to really know that is to first let go of what you want to let go… to then have a clearer mind.
Other option is to just go for it and surprise yourself with what life has to offer.
Good mood still going
Sexual dreams are less frequent, or less intese and I don’t remember them.
Yesterday was the end of my 2nd cycle of Primal+LBFH, I’ll wait a few days of integration and then go through the list of Primal objectives to see what changed.
For sure my meditation practice deepened, it’s more grounded and “in tune” with the body, that feels somehow less confined by it’s boundries
Anyway I think I’ll keep going with primal but maybe replace LBFH, that I’ve used for 5 months now, for something else… problem is I’m not sure what, too many good possibilities
From a external approach and considering I’ve not seen much external change Wanted is very tempting.
But also healing titles to support Primal, like regeneration, limit destroyer etc…
I will definitely embark on the Khan boat in the future but I think I need some more holiday after one year of DR
(I’m also currently experiencing finantial uncertainty, so that would be a completely different route too)
What kind of external changes would you like?
What kind of healing would you like? Includong what you want to let go from past intimate relationships.
Maybe formalizing those things in a list will allow you to make a better decision about what subs to run.
So, these are some thoughts about my past and current situation (after a year of DR, 5/6 months of LBFH, and now two cycles of Primal)
WARNING - wall of text
I’m pretty much fine with this. Looking around me I am athletically above average for my age, that’s because I’ve basically trained without long interruptions since I was a kid.
My body is well shaped and strong.
On the negative side I’ve always had sensitive skin, I’ve had some form of seborrheic dermatitis for years that I can only control but not completely heal.
Also, both my parents left me because of cancer.
From time to time I catch myself worrying about this, that will be my fate too, but my body/mind immediately suppresses it.
I know that I’ll have to face this fear but currently it’s unconsciously avoided.
In the last year i started smoking again, mainly to feel integrated in social situations, but i think also due to the stress of losing my mother
Relationship with the opposite sex
As previously told in other posts, I’ve always had a rather complicated relationship.
In my adolescence I was sought after by girls and they were mainly the ones who approached me. I always maintained an “attitude of superiority” of “not needing”.
I think this mostly comes from my father, I don’t remember times when my parents exchanged affection.
When I was 10 my parents divorced and that was hit really bad to me. I remember thinking about “not talking anymore so they feel guilty for what they have done”.
I didn’t had many relationships as a teen, I was always taking it quite superficially, doing whatever come to mind that seems better for me (cheating, lying etc…)
Then I had one long time relationship, 12yrs, with the girl I said in a post above I’m still seeing from time to time (I’m not sure how to handle this and i am afraid my attachment to her is keeping me stuck in some way thats why i was asking for a program to let go).
Unfortunately, although we remained on good terms, we suffered a lot in the last months. I have developed a lot of insecurities, about sexuality, about me being able to maintain interest, etc.
I was also using porn regurarly and that obviously influenced the all relationship.
Once it was over, I found myself going out to seek out social situations, but continually feeling like a fish out of water. Basically in the 12 years of my relationship I went out very occasionally, from my point of view I didn’t need others, my woman was enough. (and this was one of the many problems)
Today? The situation hasn’t changed much, physically I feel attractive enough, but I don’t feel able to maintain an interesting conversation.
I don’t feel a particular attraction or interest in one girl over another.
And often in a social situation I find myself alone, thinking how is it that everyone seems able to communicate but me…lol
I didn’t had much sex at all the last few years, and that aggravates the lack of confidence.
Lack of confidence seems to get a little better though using Primal (I don’t catch myself thinking about this lately), that’s why I guess I still using it.
Last year I recovered the relationship with my brother. We have two completely different personalities and this has often led us to clash. This culminated in a particularly intense fight in late 2021 (I was already using DR).
I wasn’t expecting it but the relationship has “adjusted” over the past year, and pretty effortlessly.
As mentioned, my parents are no longer here, and as a result of this I have somewhat lost contact with the rest of the relatives. Anyway, after the incident none of them ever bothered to ask how I was or if I needed anything so I don’t feel particularly pulled to spend time with them.
I have two good friends, who I consider family. In recent years I have more difficulty communicating with them too, growing up we don’t spend so much time together so I think it’s normal.
Money, Success & Career
I will not go into details here, but luckily my bank account is not bad at all. I’m still doing a job I don’t like thought (I own a shop), for a fairly low return.
Due to the events of recent years, the business is not going very well and I and the other two partners are thinking of selling the business.
However at the moment I don’t have a plan B, I don’t have a great personal resume and I’m not old but not that young either.
Hobby & Recreation
I’ve started playing music again lately. I’m happy of that.
Also my other interests are still very valued. Yeah more free time would be great, but I happy that I currently don’t feel the flat, uninterested mood that I felt during DR.
I’ve always had strong interest in meditation, and spirituality in general.
Mainly interested in zen, advaita, chen buddhism, daoism.
I had deep realisations in the past but they never completely integrated into my life. When I was deep into it I wasn’t really able to relate to the world around me (it didn’t even seem apart from me lol).
It helped me in life difficulties though, seeing the illusory nature of self opened to seeing the background of reality, supportive, never ending, all including.
Then strong suffering in the last few years (basically I’ve lost parents, my 12yrs relationship, my long time feline friend… one after another) and a sudden “need to be social” pulled me out of it, at times feeling deluded by it (obviously ego), and basically falling asleep again.
Now, as I’ve tried to explain in a post above, the interest is back but with a strong component of groundedness, similar to tantric approaches.
Now, examining Primal goals (after two cycles)
- Generate a sense of natural, very attractive dominance - meh, maybe a bit 4/10
- Enhance and improve your naturally charismatic attributes - 2/10
- Romance manifestation — find yourself around women who are madly attracted to you - nah, 1/10
- Develop a highly sexual, sensual, sexy, carefree attitude with women - 1/10
- Eradication of social anxiety and approach anxiety in particular (mental worry and anxiousness over every detail in the interaction) - nope… 1/10
- Experience complete nonchalance and enjoyment of everything you do, especially in social situations - 2/10
- Eliminate all mental and emotional blockages preventing you from becoming a highly sexual, sensual and sexy man - As said above it seems is doing something here, I’d say 4/10
- Develop a sense of relaxed optimism, knowing that all is well - Yep, most of the time 8/10, sometimes lower. I feel meditation is helping a lot here.
- Enhance your ability to have fun and be a fun person - Maybe a bit, 3/10
- Experience masterful automatic calibration in social situations - Definitely not lol, 1/10
- Create a mental shield against any and all forms of perceived rejection - Don’t know, having not experienced rejection lately ?/10
- Easy kino and verbal escalation - No, no 1/10
- The uncanny ability to be physically and mentally completely relaxed at any moment - 4/10
- Automatic passing of social testing - Not sure, in my mind no ?/10
- Extremely accurate social intuition and calibration - No, 2/10
- Betterment of social status - Nah, 3/10
So, I’ll go on with Primal to see if something improves
I was talking about replacing LBFH for Wanted previously because I read around the forum that is one of the titles suggested to see quick tangible results and well… because I’d like to get more attention of course.
But maybe someone can suggest a different/better perspective.
(I can even go with three titles, but I was trying to keep it simple in terms of mental processing)
So… reading what I wrote two post above I’m now evaluating
Looking at RoM thread make that one damn interesting too though
BTW is Mogul a good choice as a starting point in terms of wealth building?
The best choice for starting