They’re both the same, if you ask me 
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Do shed some more light upon it when you have time. One is a Fractal and other is a science. Perhaps you can see clearer than I can.
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What a year.
Just found out that my aunt died. While I wasn’t particularly close to her (we have some really weird age gaps in our family), she’s my father’s eldest sister and this is the first death amongst his brothers and sisters.
My mother told me that she’s never seen my father cry so hard, and now he’s refusing to talk to any of us. I think that’s what’s hitting me so hard. I’ve only seen him cry a few times, and one of those times is when he was officiating over my uncle’s funeral (mom side) and doing the eulogy. And even then, it was just a few tears, plus a bit of choking up. The image of my father, who once seemed invincible, indomitable, and someone to fear and respect sobbing is one of the saddest images that’s ever entered my mind’s eye.
But I keep going back to how he described his near death experience. Years ago, something happened and he died on the operating table. He later stunned the nurses when he told them everything they were saying. He stunned my family when he told us – word for word, while lying dead in another room – how he remembered everything they did, who they called when they thought he had passed, etc.
He told me that he was able to see in 5D. He saw himself, around the age of 20, and at the same time, he was seeing through his “eyes.” He said it was the most concrete experience he’d ever had, even more than what we call reality. He said to ignore all the people who claim NDE’s are hallucinations, because no one will gaslight him into thinking that experience wasn’t real.
He said it was beautiful, and where he was headed was full of infinite love – if “love” is even the word, because what he felt was beyond anything he could experience in his physical body. When he awoke in his body, wracked with pain and drunk off the medicines, he cried. My family thought he was crying from the pain, but he secretly told me it was because he wanted to go to wherever he was heading while dead. He said that he felt he was heading “home.”
My father, like myself, doesn’t lie. We are both very confident and sure of ourselves. If he said what happened was real, it was real. And I keep thinking about how my aunt is now out there exploring the great beyond, whatever that may be. In a way, I envy her. This world is in pain right now, and it’s easy to get frustrated with humanity enough to wanna just give up. But I feel like Subliminal Club has a purpose and a mission, one that must be fulfilled before I can rest.
But when I’ve finished that mission, and I can finally lay my head, I hope I can hear the final lines of “A Tale of Two Cities” in my mind, and take that little sleep with a smile while thinking:
“It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known.”
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My very sincerest condolences and gratitude for sharing this personal moment and inspiring story with all of us here
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I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.Your fathers near death experience reminds me of a show called I survived beyond and back and haunted hospitals. People recounted out of body experiences where they died but saw what was happening because their soul saw everything. They could recount for everything that happened and everything that was said while they were dead.
On September 12th my grandfather passed away. A week later was his funeral, which was a Monday. The previous day on Sunday it was his wake, and family members were spraying cologne on him. I didn’t spray or go near him when they were spraying it. It was some aqua cologne men’s scent, it was a very fresh sent similar to nautica l voyage.
On Tuesday the day after his I funeral woke up around 6pm to get ready for work and my sister and mom were in the kitchen and they told me how that cologne smell they sprayed on my grandfather was coming and going in the kitchen throughout the day.
Well maybe 20 min or so later I was in the kitchen with them and out of nowhere the kitchen started smelling of a strong men’s cologne aqua scent out of no where. It was as if someone walked into the kitchen with cologne on them.
This was my grandfather visiting. I definitely believe in a after life, and hearing stories like your fathers reminds me there is a better place after this life and it’s not the end once we die.
I pray your aunt is in a better place
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A really touching post you wrote, thank you for sharing this and my condolences to you and your loved ones. The great beyond is a beautiful mystery that I hope one day get to experience with awareness too. Where I can consciously die, a beautiful death. But only after living a life that was worth living, not sooner.
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sorry to hear about your loss,
may her soul rest in peace 
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Even if you know in the core of your being that what lies beyond is more beautiful and wonderful than we can imagine as mere mortals, it’s still very hard to say goodbye. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Thank you for sharing your father’s story btw, that was amazing.
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There is something unconditionally beautiful and inspiring about your post.
First, I thought it is just the content of your father’s story. But it is not entirely that… It is also the way you are responding to the death of your aunt itself, which is showcasing your rare, rich and captivating spirit.
The more I grow as a person myself, the more I am appreciating your character @SaintSovereign. Like an expensive bottle of great red wine, not everyone can see the value the first time they taste it. This post truly made you be SaintSovereign in my mind. My biggest respect to you.
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I’m Very very sorry to hear this.
I can relate to the feeling of seeing a seemingly invincible dad break…
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I have that all the time when I am smoking weed.
A whithboard helps tremendously
After I wrote it down an new river of consciousness emerges
The next day’s, whenI look what I wrote I can say that’s a wonderful idea
Let’s do it
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So true Alex. Three weeks into stage 2 of Khan, and I’m feeling a strong urge to jump ship to another sub. Thanks for the reminder!
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I’ve found that the best plan for that is just have a set plan before you start and stick to it come hell or high water. Such as, I’m doing a year of khan starting Dec 1.
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I fully agree! That approach definitely works. For me, I’m going to continue with stage 2 till late January…
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Years ago, I wrote a young adult Nobel with elements of fantasy and southern gothic and never finished editing it, lol. I think I’ll finish it, then release.
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Not the biggest fan of YA Novels, but southern Gothic fantasy sounds fascinating! Is it contemporary or victorian age?
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Contemporary. It’s a rather dark story, takes place in the deep American south.
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I have a story I started in 2014 or 2015. Never finished. That’s one of my biggest open loops. I shall close that loop lol
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I just lost another aunt, this time on my mother’s side, and this one I was close with, as she was a constant presence in my life growing up. She and my mother were twins, and absolute best friends. There were few days that passed where they didn’t talk, even for just a few minutes.
I wish I had words of wisdom to say, but sometimes it’s best to simply not try to define what you’re feeling or pour it all into some platitude.
So rather than trying to do just that, I’m simply going to leave it at this: I’m going to miss my auntie. I love you, and I know I’ll see you again.
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