Thought I did 
it just broke and gahdamn it’s a doozy. More later.
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I ran Stark, E:TE and AC all full, ultrasonic.
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Essentially, my dad did a complete polar switch and sent me an several angrily vehement, and enormous, texts, negating the previous text that I had mentioned here:
Without going into unnecessary details, I was basically told in a not too nice manner that despite him and my mom using me for caregiving him for nigh on two years and me getting paid pennies by the state for my services, despite the fact that that service ‘set me behind’ in my material life, despite the fact that I was so worn down day by day that my back troubles became back issues from lifting a heavy ass chair up and down a flight of stairs because he insisted on moving to an upstairs apartment after his stroke…
Despite being a state away from my children and putting things to the side on my parents behalf on more than one occasion… Despite having given my parents my last dollar more than once to help in whatever crap they needed, even when my dad was fucking off money with harebrained get rich schemes with phone scammers… Repeatedly…
Despite this and oh, oh so much more…
The fact that my mom took the caregiving job from underneath my nose, claiming that social security required her to care take for her husband to collect some money they owe her (only calling them Mom and Dad for the context of this journal entry; that’s officially dead in me now), and lying to me saying that she was going to at least give me 2 or 3 months to find another job BEFORE doing so only to have me find out that she did the paperwork and moved the process forward that SAME WEEKEND; all I got from him, in person earlier that day and in the text was:
“She had to do it that way. There was a time limit on it.”
“You were just a victim of circumstance.”
“What if she hadn’t of done it? Then where would we be?”
‘We’ does not include yours truly, I’m sure it’s easy to guess.
No, despite all of that and much more, I was accused that “you seem to have had some kind of hidden agenda yourself this whole time”.
The language of that is telling to me. It implies there was indeed a hidden agenda held by one or both of them.
“You haven’t contributed shit to this household.”
“When my parents were struggling I paid their bills out of pocket because I loved them.”
I was making less than $600 weekly. In California. Paying child support for two children, with a challenge of a co-parent.
He was a drug dealer.
We’re not the same.
And as previously stated, I DID contribute more than once. I paid his storage unit twice when he screwed off money for some scammer, who claimed he was with that one Moneyhouse whateveryoucallit lotto thing. I put gas in his Jeep from MY personal funds when I was taking HIM places, not even for my own benefit or use of the vehicle. And of course, more.
I sacrificed nearly two years of my life for those two assholes.
So anyways, he sent those texts with the little I’ve mentioned and a whole lot more, less pleasant stuff and I called him and asked him to explain to me where he thought I had any hidden agenda, anywhere, ever. Where I’ve benefited at all from being around them.
He - mind you at 1:45 AM, in an apartment with a next door neighbor - started screaming and spewing at me soooo loudly that my phone which I had on
Speaker as Kenya was next to me and listening actually dropped volume and I couldn’t even hear him very clearly.
I couldn’t hardly get a word in without him hollering like a 5 year old, threatening me, taunting me, verbally abusing me and the like. I can only imagine what it felt like for my womb bearer and uncle who were there to experience.
It was nothing new to me but Kenya told me later that she was so shocked and saddened by it all that she wanted to cry.
So yeah, he told me near the end of it to come get my shit and get out of his household the next day (today) and hung up on me.
I decided that there was no better time than the present and told Kenya “let’s go” and hopped in the car, went over and started packing my shit up.
It took a few hours and a couple trips back and forward but, I had it handled and done by I think it was life 5 o’clock AM.
I returned today to drop off my last copy of the house key and the pool key.
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Better a dreadful end than dread without end.
Honestly, I’m kinda shocked how this turned out.
But I can’t fathom how it must have hit you.
At a point I simply thought “Grab your Stuff and leave them behind”. Which you did.
Congratulations on that.
Wishing you the very best.
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Many thanks dude.
I’m going to run Stark, and hold off on Emperor: The Executive to start using it with Venusian Muse for a time.
Running Stark, ultra, full.
I love the fluidity of how the dominance scripting in Stark is presenting within me, of late.
Of course, I’ve used Stark quite a bit, as of mentioned in a previous entry.
Working through what I’ve been coming to terms with regarding my biological mother and father are really helping me in my ‘self-establishment’; letting go of limiting ties to them is in turn helping me to reclaim a self-sense of authority and assurance that I’ve been missing a lot of my life.
The ‘storm’ has abated and I’ve been dealing with the after-effects; rebuilding what is necessary, disregarding that which is redundant.
I’m also putting out applications for a better line of work; I’m worth more than this CSR job will be able to offer.
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One of my regulars came in just now, studying me.
When I walked over to ring him up, he was like “Wtf dude, did you grow over night or something?”
Shit made me crack up.
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I started watching Rhythm and Flow earlier today.
When I came in to work, before I clocked in, a guy told me “hey dude, you look like that rapper. I think his nickname is The Hat?”
I gazed at him, waiting for him to assert who he meant, already guessing.
He struggled for a bit, and a customer behind him says (just as I was about to help him out): Chance the Rapper?
The customer said yeah yeah him!
I lol’d inside.
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Anyone running Stark ZP will face many challenges, for the path of becoming a world impacting visionary is no easy one. You will face many manifestations that will test you and help you evolve who you are — but with enough belief, perseverance and an unrelenting action-taking attitude, Stark ZP will help naturally uncover your true self and your charisma, genius, and your very own unique gift to the world that keeps on giving and evolving.
Oh.
Oh, ok.
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Text messages from my manager today (Stark nod):
This, after just two months of being here 🙇🏽♂️
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This guy came in today with a lot of items and a request for gas.
He praised my dress (black Circle K shirt and khakis, shoes to compliment the pants) and my haircut.
He asked if I’m the manager, likely because of the shirt. He says at his store that only managers wear the black.
Depending on how the discussion goes on Thursday with my manager regarding the Fuel Ambassador promotion, I’m considering bringing this beauty back and paying the fee (I think it’s $50) to have the cores updated.
Stark ZPv2
True Sell ZPv2
All-Seeing
Gentlemen’s Speech
Perfect Style and Smell
Purity Without
Lion IV
Dominion
Leader of Men
Dynasty
Steadfast
Achilles
Carpe Diem Ascended
Free Pass
Rebirth
Cashflow Catalyst
Debt Annihilator
Financial Success Reality Shifter
Instant Business Tactician
Positive Being Attractor - Wealth
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VM II 7:30 E:TE 3 minutes
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Running Stark 7:30 and AsC, full, ultrasonic.
The previous use of my other titles was also ultra.
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How are you now?
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Vastly improved.
This process is, for the most foreseeable part, complete; I’m still coming to terms with certain emotional compartments regarding it but for the most part, peace is ready to be claimed.
Thank you for inquiring, sirrah.
While Emperor: The Executive has been an amazing addition to my stack and I would personally recommend that anyone that struggles with procrastination reading this give her a whirl (particularly those that were accused of being lazy throughout childhood), I’m feeling led to reintroduce Khan Black into my stack.
TBD.
More later.
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I had a nightmare this afternoon when Kenya and I were taking a nap about a Xenomorph hunting me and my family (not my real family; I didn’t know the people).
I’ve also been having unpleasant dreams for the past couple of days.
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I am now, as of yesterday, registered to begin HVAC training at a school here in California. I begin next month.
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