This was exactly why I got into it. I know there’s some element of truth, but I felt so low about myself that I used it as my base in society.
As I get mentally stable and healthier on subs, I’m reminded how low I felt. Low choices, low prospects, low goals. Knowledge was the only leverage I had, so I used it. My focus was medical conspiracy, and I even seriously looked into being a nutritionist (to help people–so I could feel special). But…I also felt like a victim, and that step up would have made me… do better than my mom. The possibility of leaving her behind scared me, so i didn’t follow it.
I also felt like an imposter, an actor around honest people. It takes a lot of work to keep up that front.
I just wanted to feel valuable. Needed. Special. Unique. Loveable. It was a never-ending, never satisfied goal.
Thanks for putting this “anything” thread here @RVconsultant. It might get really busy here