A minor incident occurred and yup dominance is back. I was calm but direct. I could have handled it with more finesse but alas, one day at a time.
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This is a symptom of not working on goals. 
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Hmm not sure yet, I work, earn and go home. No big inspirations yet so far
You donāt need subs for that. What are you playing them for?
How do you want your life & results to change in the next 3-6 months? Write that down.
Thatās your goals.
WWDOD!
What would Danny Ocean do? 
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Interesting. I thought I had mini-Simons all over this place reminding everyone that SC subs donāt work without goals.
279 posts from you in this journal and youāve evaded this question for the full 2 months.
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Replied in your journal. 
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And looks like Iāll evade it again at 280 
Hmm what are my goals exactly 
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Iām a minion of Simonology.
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persons of similar persuasion and intent is the preferred term in this day and age 
but your message is propagating 
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.I should organize this better while the year is young. Itāll be my 3rd day since I switched back, and Iāll start from there. This should force me to stay with it.
Day 3
DR, EQ, PSQ
My sleep was better than some nights ago. I am beginning to think my brief experiment with Stark had something to do with that, itās the only change in my routine. Could be recon, something in Stark gave me some noticeable recon, in one form or another. The 2nd week of testing and I had a massive brain fog and depression; Then I stopped, resumed after a week or so and I couldnāt get a truly restful sleep. I slept late and wake up an hour or two, and then try to sleep again. I can go without eating, Iām used to intermittent fasting, but my kryptonite is lack of sleep. I have to get enough of it, or Iām a wreck during the day. Regardless, itās still one of my favorites, it made my mood brighter and I was more open with people.
Iām tempted to switch PS to P, if only to make my stack somewhat lighter, I think EQ already has the S part. Not sure. Itās the calming effect of Primal that has drawn me to that sub, the Wu Wei as members have onced referred to it. However the S in PS is always good too. Maybe Iāll give it another month. Iām on my second month now on and off, and 3 months might be better to solidify whatever internal lessons it imparted in my mind.
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It does not. 
Try not to use major programs for feelings. MPs have their own short-to-long-term goals, and hence, come with recon. 
Ultimas are designed / better suited for that purpose. Also, you do not have to feel guilty if you only play Ultimas as needed, and not in a fixed stack. 
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Perhaps Raikov is taking effect
Ah drats. Thatās good to know.
I think being naturally introverted gave me more palpable recon with Stark, than with EQ. So far itās been jiving well with me.
I liked Stark though, I will come back to that sub in the future, for sure. Thanks mate.
Will do. Switching between Elixir and SanguineU, although I reintroduced rebirth in my stack the last time we spoke. Youāre right.
~2 days rest days~
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Still my rest day today but Iāve had some interesting things happen and some realizations.
I decided to invest with myself at a time when I almost had zero options, and from where I am now and what I was then, it was night and day. Both mentally and financially. Sure Iām not yet a multimillionaire but my income has improved, I was able to pay off some debts and I have rejuvinated my positive outlook.
This pandemic was insidious. Not only did it destroy lives, directly or indirectly, itās effects would be felt for many more years to come. I had a business that I fostered for many years, suddenly torpedoed with my carcass constantly picked clean by banks and lessors who are all too eager when they smelled blood in the water. I did not lose my honor but I lost my head. I thought I was on my way to being financially stable, travel to places I wanted and just enjoy what life has to offer while Iām still around. Anywayā¦ itās not something I wish not to relive, Iām tired of carrying that cross.
Back to my stack. My memory is fuzzy but I seem to remember Saint mentioned that if youāre not actively looking for more relationships P might be better than PSā¦ and he was right. Iāve had some manifestations that I am certain it was due to PS.
That said, my intention was to become a complete man, both healthy financially, spiritually, physically and sexually. I wanted to lose some inhibitions I had, and wanted to be more comfortable in my own skin. Itās not my intention to break hearts with it. When I realized a situation is about to go up another level, I had to back off. PS is real. Itās powerful. While Iām at it, Iāll mention Emperor. Yes dating on EQ is very much possible. Seriously potent even. I had some recon at first when I lost my libido, but itās back, with extras.
When youāre using a stack, you somehow know and can pinpoint which one is doing which. I have a pretty clear idea what PS and EQ was doing for me individually. You can certainly tame EQ in the dating departmentā¦ and itās not itās priority, but when it does something, it does something very well. It only needs to be interested.
PS, however. It somehow activated that hunter mode in me that I thought I did not have anymore. Not just some hunter, but a really good one. A complete natural thatās just ridicuously smooth in more intimate conversations. Itās fun, I felt good, but I also know my current situation, and what my priorities are. I need to get back what I lost, and secure myself financially so Iād never go through that hell again. Perhaps eventually gather the courage to even study again on the side and fix my credentials. Iām not sure online learning is for me, I tried it numerous times but I just could not focus as well as in an actual class. Go away pandemic, youāre cramping so much styles.
That said, I love the inner game and the nonchalance. Iām going to continue using PS for a month more and then switch to P when I hit my 3 month mark. I will just actively direct it and tame it until then.
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Day 4
DR, EQ, PSQ
I realized one of my biggest problems is sticking with a program, so I punished myself by resetting my start date. I used to read a lot of journals here in the forums, but the more I read, the more I get tempted to try something else. Itās hard not to visit and interact as often because so many journals are tremendously fascinating and inspiring, but I realized I need to lessen the temptation if I am to going to successfuly stay with a program for the long term. Iāll treat it like quitting smoking and the less temptation the better so I could stick with it.
To note, I still havenāt smoked for months now and I noticed Iāve been taking care of myself even better. My enthusiasm to work out regularly has also been rejuvinated, and doing OMAD is a piece of cake. Since the restrictions, I used to have the occasional cheat meal movie date nights and itās been some time since I did that. Iām just not interested lately. For some reason it doesnāt feel good for me if I eat dinner, I feel lousy in the morning. Perhaps EQ is helping me discipline myself because I know itās not a good habit to form.
Right now I feel positive, centered, calm and new possibilities are slowly coming to me. I could attribute this to either DR or EQ, or both. Iām still on ST1 for more than a month now I gather. That said my enthusiasm and joie de vivre is slowly coming back, and itās not just the fleeting excitement that I had before, but this time itās something deeper that I couldnāt explain. Itās like a spark, and I had to reflect deeply to realize itās there.
To my joy that spark is still here and somehow slowly taking over and becoming my base. Itās like after the recon and once I gained equilibrium, clouds parted and I see it, right infront of me. It is remarkable to have that small glimmer of light inside, and to find itās still there, flickering defiantly in the middle of a storm. It must grow, in time, as I nourish and protect it. My life before the reignition of that ember is akin to an unfinished death.
This year is going to be great for many of us here in the playground of the gods, and I wish everyone here well. If thereās anyone reading this journal, or to my future self in case I dwindle, stay with it and stay strong. Every journey starts with the first step, as the saying goes.
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