Reflections of Apollo

Journals - Major Programs
#417

Oh, I’m just figuring out and trying to retrace my steps. I’m still not sure about my Ultima right now, perhaps rebirth ultima might be a better substitute for what I’m trying to achieve, which is in a way a rebirth.

It’s only recently that I’ve been having the same emotional pangs I used to have before I started with SC. There’s definitely some digging there and I wish to soften the blow so I can function normally in my day to day sagas… :muscle:

But at the same time, I also don’t wish to weaken it too much that the healing takes longer.

Thanks for the concern buddy, I’m good, just dealing with some heavy recon. I’m tempted to retreat back into my previous stack but I’m pushing on with DR, regardless. If need be I’d stay on ST1 as long as it takes till I feel I’ve made sufficient progress to heal my issues.

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#418

For me, I really think it’s EQ. I’ve been smoking for 8 years maybe, then I quit for around 3 and then started back again 5 months or so before starting with SC.

I was planning to quit but not at the time I did. I suddenly lost interest in it for some reason.

The only different thing I’ve been doing was playing my stack of Rebirth, Regen+Elix, EQ, PS and Sanguine.

It’s been more than a month now, so any cravings should be psychological, but these past week or so, I’ve been tempted to grab a cigarette for sure.

Still on the horse though, hopefully for good this time. I hate the smell.

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#419

Yep, it’s settled, I’ll go back and reshuffle, work around DR.

F* it, we’ll do it live. - baba o’reilly

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#420

They are supposed to be making “House of the Dragon”. But we beat them to here in Subclub :grin:

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#421

Haha… not sure what happened there. I read the writers were gearing up for a starwars gig or something, so it felt rushed.

Honestly I’m not even sure if r.r. martin has it in him to finish the book. Perhaps he was intimidated, and that gave him a mental block. I know I would feel the pressure if that was me. I’d probably be a recluse and not watch the show or read anything on social media until I’m done writing.

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#422

Emperor: House of Medici + DR Stage 4 custom= House of the Dragon ?? lol

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#423

That’s a great place to start.

What Ultima are you currently using now? I thought you were just using DR, Ascension and StarkQ. Didn’t know you were using an Ultima unless I just forgot, sorry if I have - my memory is not the greatest.

I’ve never used Rebirth, I thought about it but not for me - when I was looking for healing DR came through which is why I jumped on it. Have you let the emotions out in any way if you’ve become aware of it?

The latter is always one of our concerns.

You should know me by now aha.

Remember even if you don’t feel it it’s still working. I should hope so on 1 loop. Keep going man. DR will press through for you.

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#425

I opted for SanguineU, yesterday but I still felt some pangs. I was wondering if it was Rebirth that was smoothening out the process.

No… I couldn’t find a breakable plate so I’m just throwing around plastic cups to release the tension… :triumph:

I’m raising everything to 3x loops… hahaha… like I’ve said, I’m on shmuck mode right now… :rofl:

and I am honored. You’re a very valuable person and you’re going to reach higher and higher heights. Keep the faith

#426

Given the medieval time period of the Medici family, I was thinking:

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#427

Oh yes, you did tell me - my apologies. Which do you feel is helping you the most? What does your intuition say is best for you?

There’s plenty other ways to release the tension brother. Private journal? Say how you real feel, no holding back. There’s loads. I learnt to stop holding back and it truly helped me in embracing the feelings I felt and let them go easier.

Again, you did say - my apologies man.

As always I appreciate your kindness brother. You’re my brother now, not even my friend. I see a lot of potential in you and can’t wait for you to continue to live up to it and experience your absolute greatness.

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#428

Don’t worry about it, I had to reread my journal to check what was working well for me.

I think it’s my previous stack of EQ and PS to be honest, plus the healing. I was winging it without any issues, just the libido thing, but I attribute that now to fatigue.

The trojan horse here is DR, I think this one shook things up.

I was like, okay regen elix is nice, it’s healing me, gently but surely, and then DR arrives.

It’s feels like it did not come to my house for smaller repairs with hammers and saws, but with a damn wreckling ball.

To think I said it was gentle in the beginning… :thinking: That comment aged like fine milk.

EQ and PS. My favorite subs for sure. Stark is nice, it makes me feel open and more jubilant.

My only issue with EQ was I felt I was a bit insensitive, and I didn’t like that.

We sometimes pray for our suffering to end, without realizing others have been suffering as well due to our actions. That we are the topic of someone else’s prayer, and that bothers me. I want to go through and enjoy my life without causing suffering to anyone.

My task right now is to retain EQ but give it levity, empathy, give it joie de vivre, enjoy the little things while excelling in my chosen field.

To do it with stacks rather than customs, until I am more adept and got more ideas what individual subs in my toolbox does and what modules they contained that I liked.

#429

Dragon Reborn does not come to play.
It might knock gently at first but then boom, your mind and body are embraced with a fiery hug that burns down your negativity, emotional, mental and physical trauma.

This isn’t done without sacrifice though. A sacrifice to the foundation you already have/had. But you will be able to build upon it again.

Remember though, it’s okay to feel how you’re feeling.

So, I’m assuming you want to stick with Emperor/PS? Is that correct? Do you feel like you’re moving onto your new stack for no reason - just to experiment? Would you continue to stick DR out?

Sometimes we don’t do it directly or on purpose but sometimes we have to hurt others to better ourselves, but we don’t mean to. Not always anyway. Forgive yourself for the hurt you’ve given to others. Direct the dragon to help you heal yourself of this pain you’re currently feeling and write down any emotions you’re feeling. Allow yourself to express them.

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#430

Could you kindly be more precise if it comes to what you’re trying to achieve? It would help you establish your programs and listening routines and it would also help us help you. :slight_smile:

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#431

You know what? That’s a great idea. :thinking:

… :blush:

I gave myself leeway until January before Khan but it seems like that’s going to be put on hold due to the appearance of DR.

For sure… omgwtfbbq of a sub indeed.

I’m sticking with it, and deemed it untouchable in my routine, like jcast, 90 days on ST1 if need be. I might even need to delay my foray into Khan I planned for.

There’s a lot of useless things to burn down in my psyche. Hopefully DR will synergize well with whatever I stack with it.

It’s best to focus on one sub, but I know I can’t do that. Best thing I could do is stick with DR and work around it with my remaining two Q’s advised in the guidelines. Stick with 3 majors and one ultima.

When are you going to try your custom btw? When the time comes I’ll be asking you guys for your input with my custom, by the that time I’ll have an idea what I want exactly.

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#432

lol!

My only concern would be the term Dungeon in a subliminal for family well being and empathy :joy:

#433

It was strictly a play on words.

BTW, I saw your weightlifting numbers. DL 600 lbs/SQ 500/BP 335. How in God’s name did you get that strong? I’m like 320/200/200.

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#434

In the beginning no everything was purpose based and clear, then I was totally able too, especially with woman involved, and my work was done. Then when I upped the loops significantly again I only want to focus on work and routine. When I added my second custom, I became much more able to enjoy the little things again in balance. Now on my Emperor custom I don’t get nearly the same intolerance or lack of interest in those things. However I am very intentional and cut of chit chat if I am busy or being intentional.

When I think about it both my overall life drive and my sense of QL lite are kind of gone or significantly normalized on my custom. (I really hope QL lite made it into Emperor custom store core-:hushed:-as well as Ascension and Mogul-I don’t know how that would work-cores within cores :slight_smile: ) My enjoyment and holistic ease and effectiveness in life have gone up though. I may test EQ store again to compare soon at some point

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#435

The best argument I heard on this is that D&D are good editors but not story tellers. This was why they couldn’t do the parts that GRRM didn’t complete

Frankly, I don’t mind. If he finishes it, I will read the rest of the books. If he doesn’t, I will be reading something else. And this is coming from a major GRRM fan

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#436

Hahaha! That’s just perfect naming :ok_hand:

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#437

I was totally teasing, it wouldn’t be a bad name at all :wink:

I’ll give you the short-long story

Started at 16 with Joe Defranco’s (NFL trainer/program -did not work with him) Westside for Skinny Bastards program and vertical jump program. I spent a few summers training in a barn in Europe that was like a Dungeon (dingy not dark), speaking off lol, it had all the old school stuff, no AC, and open ends so lots of sunlight coming through with horses walking around outside. It was just me and my twin most of the time in there so the environment was great. The working out coincided with a massive puberty spurt-and I gained 50 lbs and 4 inches of height one summer.

I played basketball and was short so wanted to dunk and knew the more raw horse power I had -strength to body-weight ratio-in squat-the better base I would have for force production-speed and jump-so that was my original intent.

I moved into a more traditional West Side Barbell Split after my squat got over 315 and then when I got college ended up joining/starting a powerlifting club where we competed in maximum security prisons.

During training we’d train with D1 athletes in an incredibly intense competitive atmosphere and that also really helped. I never got injured-until later :(, I trained really smart and was always adjusting my protocols based on extensive study and coaching from world class trainers. And I loved it, saw how my Rugby and basketball performance got better and better as my training got smarter, so it created a virtuous cycle. So all in all, passion, genetics, early timing, reason for training-competition and sports, intense environment, great training partners and highly competitive-testosterone driven, and smart training protocols and coaching.

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