“Not wanting to disturb strangers“

Questions and Comments
#1

I tend to shy away from “dominating“ strangers. I do not want to disturb them. Like in a restaurant, I hate to tell the server when the food is bad. Starting an arguments with strangers, oh gosh…

It is only around strangers. When I know the person, I am the most bold person you will ever meet.

It is probably a deep seated fear I still carry around regarding social circle rejection.

Any advice?

@GoldenTiger would you say the Alpha of Alpha module could help with that?
I feel like Commander would be a good one too but I cannot afford to run that right now.

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#2

I know you already are running it, but I think Fenrir is better suited for this as it makes you more clod blooded to reach your goals.

Like, I think there are more polite options than just saying “The food is bad”, maybe asking yourself what’s the goal with that? I mean, when tasting food, it’s always normal that sometime you try something you don’t like.

I’m wondering if being more goal oriented when telling these types of things would be better, for example if the pasta are too cooked, you can always ask them to redo it.

I am really not sure regarding Alpha of Alpha being used for this, Alpha of Alpha is good for conversation and not changing your mind… I mainly used it for sales.

I do think it would have potential for this. But I am definitly not sure.

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#3

Yeah no way I would ever (feel comfortable) to ask for that in my current state.

In my mind, I just don’t wanna be a jerk.

But increasingly I am having this feeling - and that is certainly a result of Khan ZP - why the fuck shouldn’t they redo my pasta?
When I want to sit on a bench and it is full, why shouldn’t I ask them to move?
Why don’t I allow myself to be an ass?
Why don’t I put my desires over random people?

#4

My dad is the total opposite of me in that regard. He can be super mean to strangers if they fuck him off. He doesn’t CARE at all.

Me growing up as a highly socially sensitive and emotionally calibrated individual, I always felt so sorry for those people. That’s probably why I am so keen on trying to avoid to be an ass like him when dealing with people I don’t know.

Going to listen to my second loop of Wanted Khan ZP now, let’s see how I think about that topic afterwards :smiling_imp:

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#5

There’s a middle ground between being an ass to strangers and not standing up for what you want.
In the restaurant example, politely asking the server to have the food redone isn’t being a jerk. Matter of fact you’re more likely to get what you want (without any “special sauce” added to your food) that way than being overly “dominant”.

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#6

@RVconsultant posed a question in another thread that’s a great starting point (beginning at the end), if creating a custom is what you had in mind (or creating anything really)…

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#7

Does your pasta make you mad :rofl: or the fact that you can’t ask.

I think your vision of the thing friday is not so good. Does asking them to redo your pasta makes you an asshole? I don’t think so, does yelling at them or being passive agressive about it makes you an asshole? Yes.

How do you know asking that will be a major problem to the people? Like reboil the pasta?

Can always ask them if they can make you a place. They probably won’t mind and if they mind, they can always express it and tell you to fuck off or say it in a polite way.

I feel like your conception of what is an asshole behavior is wrong, asking for what you want is not being an asshole.

Just make sure you stay polite and all. I think Alpha of Alpha might help with that… Not being afraid of expressing your needs.

For me what helped me asking is finding the what and Why, I find that if I know why I want that, I just do it. Doesn’t have to be a big reason either.

3 Likes
#8

You don’t die if the people don’t like you or cast you away
:wink:

That’s the hidden theme.
To be evicted from social circles = death
But you don’t
Now to realize that or have access to this level is another story.

Try True Social

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#9

Fun fact @friday …this applies to getting other people to do stuff as well. As you make your ask, append “…because [whatever reason you want]” and people are more likely to comply. It’s fun when it works using a reason that’s ridiculous. Give it a try some time because you’ll instantly become more handsome, intelligent and powerful when you do. :wink:

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#10

The middle ground is the goal, but to achieve that I need to stop repressing my “asshole“ side in regards to stranger. Repression always leads to depression [unhappiness].

The latter. I do not care so much about the pasta to make a scene

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#11

@friday sounds like you’re trying to become more assertive with strangers and trying not to overdo it by being and asshole. Yup, I remember when I was on that part of my journey, then I stopped giving a damn and kinda became an ass for a while anyway. I’ve calmed down with age and maturity but I think my “inner jerk” is here to stay in some ways. I mostly just act that way once I perceive disrespect or even someone trying to dominate me in any way, or BS me or course.

Enough about me. With the pasta example, you’re paying right?…which means that the Resturaunt makes money, which then helps guarantee they could afford to pay the same workers that make the pasta…and if you like the food, you’ll keep coming back amd paying every time, meaning the chef keeps their job longer. This is assertiveness because you’re creating winning situations for all parties involved. You get what you enjoy, the Resturaunt survives a bit longer and the the chefs, waiters, etc. keep getting paid. You deserve to enjoy what you pay for, nothing wrong with wanting to do so. So long as you don’t act entitled and respect the rights of others involved and know how to express yourself in a sensible manner.

As for fearing rejection, you could be the coolest person in the world and there are still ppl who would find reasons not to like you, and you can’t control that. Not everyone is your friend and even if they knew you they still might not want to be and that’s fine.

You don’t have to “be an ass” to strangers, just allow yourself to start asserting your own wants and needs more. You might go overboard from time to time but assertiveness isn’t just a personality trait, it’s a skill and when you’re learning to master a skill you will make mistakes. Just think before you speak as much as possible and let things come with time.

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#12

I don’t think alpha of alphas or fenrir is going to make the slightest difference. You need to specifically take action on your shortcomings. No matter how uncomfortable it might feel. Be polite tell him that the pasta was uncooked and you are not happy about it. Once you do it the first time it becomes easier.

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#13

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CbImGyjJRWI/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=

My new alarm tone

1 Like
#14

Rogue is a good module. I just got done researching on that. It won’t make you an asshole especially if you’re already erring on the side of not wanting to disturb people. It will get you over that in a positive way for yourself. I think for those of us recovering nice guy types rogue is definitely a great module.

Also, Lifeblood Fable would be a great module to go with it.

Also True sell with Dragon’s Tongue because when you sell you have more success when you sell to people how they want to be sold. Rather than you getting in your way thinking trying not to err because of your beliefs, you’re able to really know what they want and like and utilize that in a way that works for them getting you that “sale.” They’re happy they got what they want in the way that they wanted it, and you got the “sale.”

Also I think Chosen would be a good major because of all of the positivity especially if you’ve already done some inner healing.

Also don’t dominate or disturb them! You can just try the is it okay if? Would it be okay if I were to ask if you could reheat my food?

I don’t know how to deal with if it’s bad. I’ve never had that happen. Like I’ve had food that wasn’t great but not so bad that I had to throw it away. If it’s undercooked you definitely want to let them know about that or if it got overcooked yea you just let them know human to human, no worries that’s like a normal thing that happens.

If I had to guess I’d say maybe shame here. You don’t need to dominate others and you obviously don’t feel good about the notion either. You can be pleasant and your goal could be to just leave others better than you found them!

Check out EFT or NLP for shame on youtube. You might find some helpful insights and tools.