Khan is absolutely busting my self esteem. (Turning it up)
Let me tell you all something. When I started with Khan and then started interacting with my family members, best believe I went through some serious trials. To the point that my family even called the police on me, >>to put me back in check<<. Not even mentioning the little petty squabbles that would get extremely loud and needlessly dramatic. Do note that I did nothing particular to antagonize them but it was the new Khan behavior.
This led me to be completely confused (of course they also gas-lighted me like hell, saying I was the one at fault, when it wasn’t my fault at all), and hence, completely depleted of life force, not being sure of anything, unable to even play games or function properly throughout the day.
I’ve run Emperor Q and it wasn’t like this. Only a tiny bit.
I’m only writing this because I have sort of reached enlightenment, emerging from despair. Because I can tell my family members are feeling extremely guilty by doing what they did so they’re trying to compensate by being overly nice. Bringing me gifts, offering me their food, trying to interact with me.
No. I will not accept their petty attempts at feeling better about themselves. If they want to fix what they did, they will have to be better than that, they will have to face me and apologize.
But other than that, I can feel the connection of dependency with them, whatever of it I even had, dying. Like truly dying.
I must say, I do not regret a single thing that happened. Some will say I did not have the base/foundation. I had the mental and emotional base for it, I transitioned into a Khan easily. But I did not have the environmental base for it, hence the extreme reactions. Plus, you need to time to truly transition, so your environment would be too scared to do anything to you. That’s next.
My desire to post is absolutely minimal.