Out of curiosity and a more broad spectrum approach to healing I ran Rebirth Ultima and a couple of hours later Elixir Ultima. The only thing I really feel is a slight increase in agitation. My Wife was trying to show me silly videos on YouTube and I just wasn’t in the mood. I don’t really understand or get the point of social media anymore. Especially things like Reddit and Instagram. They just seems like a rabbit hole of unnecessary endless distraction.
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one point to remember:
during a transformation process or a transitional phase, reflection can be helpful, but trying to nail everything down probably won’t be. You want to think more in terms of writing postcards and less in terms of drafting a 5 to 10 year plan.
Because you don’t know exactly where this process will take you.
In my case, with my current stack, several kinds of activities just kind of dried-up. YouTube was one. But also finance and business-related podcasts and audiobooks dried up quite a bit. And my creative music composition dried up too.
But some of those changes were/are temporary. I temporarily did not have enough mental/emotional room for it. Like how if you were 13 miles into your first-ever marathon and your cellphone rang, there’s a pretty good chance that you would not answer.
Once the marathon’s done, you may wish to answer the phone and you may have a really enjoyable or valuable call.
Also, when you’re running your 75th marathon, you might not have a problem answering that phone either even during the marathon itself, because you have much better wind and breath control by that point.
Point is to hold off on long-term, programmatic declarations when you’re on your first run through a strenuous major change process.
(This is an opinion.)
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Woke up not even an hour ago. Running one loop of DR St 1 to get the day going.
@Malkuth I get it and thank you for pointing that out. I feel a lot if not all of what I said in that prior post was more in a way hopeful that I will permanently find various things a waste of time. Obviously for myself. People can do what they enjoy. I would just like and want to get my head and priorities straight so it’s not a question or issue. I think at times I’m more mad at myself for making poor choices based on immaturity and instant gratification as opposed to thinking things through and considering the trade offs.
I am working on not focusing on any type of regret but there are obviously moments where I question how i chose to do or not do something and how that impacted not only myself but my Wife as well. Be it just doing a job instead of trying to turn it into some social activity because you’re bored. Going to work when you aren’t feeling the best instead of beating yourself up later in the day for missing the hours. Not saying or doing impulsive things that you know full well you will regret later and potentially and unintentionally burn a bridge or alienate some folks. I could go on but hopefully you get my point
I think now that I look back I let an unnecessary amount of envy or feelings of missing out creep into my mind and create a lot of chaos that could have easily been avoided. I know I’ve said and posted about similar things multiple times but it’s true. Becoming more mature isn’t just about accepting responsibility but also accountability. To yourself on those that rely and count on you. I remember now where I was called out for flaking out on something multiple times or last minute and at the time not understanding why people didn’t trust what I said. No one wants to be around someone who blows a lot of smoke. I get frustrated with myself because I don’t understand how I was able be so immature and so irresponsible and get anything done or accomplished. I understand now why and how I created problems for myself and others. I’m still learning.
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i hear you.
and respect you.
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I sincerely appreciate that. There was something one of my supervisors at a job I had said to me that I sometimes still think about. He said something about building my brand when that term was starting to take off. Similar to some of what I mentioned in my previous post I didn’t really or take the time to fully grasp and understand what he meant. Now I see it as long term thinking. That is obviously different from what @Malkuth posted about but I feel now it’s often overlooked to a detriment. People make decisions myself included and don’t ask themselves how this will impact me in the future and do I really want this? That’s why I said what I did about social media. It’s weird and a bit silly at times to allow yourself to get sucked into things like that especially being a 52 year old man. I look at something like Facebook now and most of what I see is geared towards people either younger or older than myself.
It wasn’t until I watched a video on YouTube that discussed why professional sports for most is a waste of time. Unless you’re an athlete or the owner allowing yourself to get emotionally attached or invested doesn’t make sense
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Ah that’s what’s going through my headspace too. I was watching some kids play outside today and I just wanted to be young again in this day and age. I wanted to be 18 and play Primal Seduction and Sex Mastery so bad goddamn!!! 
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It’s a really weird feeling. Sometimes it feels like it wasn’t even me or to paraphrase the Rebirth Ultima sales page " happened in another reality ".
Part of becoming more mature mentally and emotionally is at least for me developing self awareness and being able to see outside yourself and how what you do and say or not, how you behave, and the choices or decisions you make impact people other than yourself.
In small ways and big ones I now understand why or how relationships or romantic situations didn’t work. Outside of me obviously having my head up my own ass there were far too many people I had zero right to even be with. It was a train wreck waiting to happen. On the other side of that I now understand why people avoided me , didn’t answer their phone, or had little to no respect for the person I was. That goes for friendships and at places of employment as well.
One thing I keep coming across when I read up on the characteristics of someone who is emotionally mature is that they listen way more than they talk. I could have done myself far more favors by either listening far more or just keeping my mouth shut entirely instead of disturbing the air in front of my face.
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Went a bit crazy with loops today because I felt anxious this morning. I feel better now. Burnt out dealing with people that lose their minds over the smallest of inconveniences then having to listen while they justify their shitty behavior.
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What’s the number of loops you’re playing right now? What’s your listening routine? Please, kindly share that information with me.
Had a bit of that today. Luckily I was on 1 loop a day so reconciliation wasn’t so bad.
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You have to respect yourself first. Why would anyone respect you if you didn’t.
I keep my phone on Do not Disturb 24/7. Because time is more important than anything else. And I also respect other peoples time: Every single time I call anyone, I first ask if I’m calling at a bad time. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Because that shows to everyone that I also respect their time.
And the thing is, if they don’t respect mine, I cut them off. And simply never talk to them.
Might sound a bit harsh, but time you never get back. Money is easy.
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No real routine unfortunately. Depends entirely on how much time I have available. Right now getting one loop in right away in the morning is relatively easy. Yesterday I lost count of how many loops I ran. Maybe four or five. I was a bit anxious and bored yesterday which didn’t help.
Everybody on these forums seem to be really sensitive to subliminals. I kind of envy that, but oh well…
I have to brute force it. I run set and forget style with these Q subs. I sleep with them running too.
And I know for a fact that these subs work for me. Still, damn I wish I was sensitive to them too 
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I’m not sure it’s sensitivity as much as having a metric fuck ton to work through. Maybe both.
Might be both. Although I do think every one of us has plenty of our own issues.
This is the way I went through EoG and EmpQ. Seemed to work for me.
I keep listening when I sleep. Then I take a day off (irregularly) on weekend.
But I do not feel it working. It just does.
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I don’t feel it working necessarily myself. I see posts talking about headaches or buzzing and I just see that being fooled by randomness or maybe wanting desperately or whatever for something to work. I know shit is doing the work when I can say what I feel without feeling like I’m walking on eggshells. Or not say anything which is starting to happen way more often. I noticed a couple of days ago I couldn’t give a fuck about explaining myself to anyone.
Correlation does not equal causation. If a behavior changes , a mode of thinking ,or maybe being able to do something or not that wasn’t an option previously
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Definitely one of the signs that it’s working. EmpQ had that effect on me. By effect I mean it still does.
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I’ve had the same experience with Regeneration, Elixir Ultima, and Limit Destroyer Ultima. Especially Elixir and Limit Destroyer. Shit I used to lay awake at night stressing out over I couldn’t give a flying fuck about now. I can remain silent and let others talk. I don’t feel a need to be part of anything for my ego.
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The only really obvious thing I have noticed more often than not is that I’m in a bad mood a lot @SaintSovereign is this just reconciliation?