Probably why it got too intensive.
1 Like
It was a short part of my cycle so I can’t say.
I used it for 2 as I remember it was on the second one when results started to show up
As for the double loops I did it 2-3 times but yeah it made things stronger
I changed because I was looking for a something more dreamy in the eyes of women, at least for now.
Something more romantic not just raw. I didn’t want to be looked only as an object. And didn’t like it women some women felt like they can touch me without permission.
Full loops fill me with dread, I can’t imagine thrashing the shit out of a sub thinking I’m missing out when the recon is always hell inducing. If people are getting results on 30s, then all the better for them. I get sleepy on 3m.
Chasing outward results seems unpredictable anyway, as long as I can see linear progress over weeks, that will do me. With Ascension the inner strength builds, on Wanted I see the looks and keep it moving.
1 Like
parallel feelings
-
finally mastering the entry level of life, emotionally stabilising, no longer swimming to keep my head up. Rare pride in myself. I’m not an easy target anymore and I don’t need to brace. Wanted is giving me a New Man model aura and the women are properly lusting.
-
Sadness and feelings of abandonment. Because of the work Ascension is doing, I feel like I can now emotionally individuate from my family. Which goes against the unspoken rule: never separate from them ever to do your own thing, accept the scapegoat role. On the flipside, my parents will eventually die, so better to wean myself now. Time to end the codependency and grow up.
This independence is giving me my own Constitution:
1st amendment - emotional connection
2nd amendment - no assholes
3rd amendment - personal freedom ≠ loyalty
4th amendment - unless we have that connection, don’t give me any advice or criticism, it’ll be rejected
More incoming.
1 Like
Well looks like I done it.
I didn’t turn up for a group show.
And I figured it why it was causing such consternation.
I seek self esteem from the group. If the group is ok, I’m ok. But if the group is indifferent, I feel it. And the only rebellion act left to do in this indifferent group is to withdraw.
I shouldn’t care, but I walked away and not once did I get that pang of guilt to go back. “You’re letting the side down, be professional”. But I know me being there isn’t going to add anything. I’m going to feel awkward trying to pretend they didn’t just attack me and my work.
I chose to get a cup, chill and watch crap on YouTube instead, trying to work out if my creative path is the right one, just spoiled by others.
It’s actually impressive that I listened to my body for the answer and respected my self worth. Because otherwise I would have been the odd one out trying to ingratiate myself to people who couldn’t care less.
Progress, I think…
1 Like
can feel the recon coming
- Still too much importance on what others think?
- Still not earning enough
- Still a need to separate who I am from others, I worry what the group might do in retaliation.
- Still doomscrolling
- Be more embodied in personality without fear.
- Still too afraid of relaxing and showing parts of my personality without the inner censorship on what is unacceptable
- Still messy and bills still need to be paid
- Still trained to check in with the group before doing anything.
However
Better inner resources coming online for self esteem
Inner compass (watching a person’s actions) becoming firmly established.
Less putting the group on a pedestal.
Individuating is really hard. I get my cues from others, they tell me who to be and how to think, yet flexing this muscle feels lonely as fuck. Everyone needs cheerleaders, but instead all I got was haters.
I did go to the art group and only interacted with who I wanted to, then left. Felt proud of considering something that I kinda made a mountain out of a molehill. (RSD anyone?)
Need work on the above once the recon finishes.
1 Like
You’re progress is getting more and more obvious! 
2 Likes