DAY2
Took my family to an all-you-can eat Asian buffet for lunch. Felt sleepy afterward. Not sure if it’s because of all the food, the subs, my lack of sleep because my kid kept on waking up last night due to cough, or any combination of the above.
In either case, I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been switching between ST1 and ST4 prior to this experiment, but it feels like my senses have been heightened. I’m starting to hear the sounds of water heater downstairs, the smell whenever I turn on the garbage disposal, the cracks on the floor when I walk around barefoot.
Afterwards, my wife decided to give my kids haircuts. Since she just bought a new grooming kit with electric razors and stuff, she was excited to try them out. What pissed me off was that she kept on asking me questions that she would have known the answer to if she only took time to read the manual, or at least the quick start guide.
As I mentioned before, my tolerance for stupidity is really going down. Though, I’m not sure but it may be PCC working but I felt a bit sassy answering my wife’s questions, without showing any anger.
DAY3
After a long break, school finally started again for my kids. I’m not sure if it’s the residual effect of khan or not, but I suddenly found myself talking with other parents at my kid’s school. Funny thing was, they approached me. I never felt the urge to approach anyone just for small talk.
Feeling frustrated at myself right now. Been reviewing for my certification exam. But it seems like I’m finding solving various exercises difficult. And yet, when I check the solutions, they seem so easy.
DAY4
Still feeling frustrated whenever I try solving some practice problems. I find it difficult to get a solution. But after reviewing the existing solutions, it’s like a big facepalm. Why didn’t I think of this or why didn’t I think of that?
But at least reading the solutions give me some ideas. At least I can keep notes.
Very interesting! I get that with Emperor, but not with QL.
Actually, it started while I was running Khan. It only got worse the more I ran this experiment.
I wonder if that’s a form of reconciliation from times in the past when you’ve been irritated by behavior like that but didn’t allow yourself to express it, and now you’re not taking it anymore? The QL aspect may be because you’re more aware of it, or subconsciously remembering past events relating to it.
It’s possible. Lately, I’ve been getting really pissed when people ask me stupid questions that can simply be answered by looking up Google. They have phones, and thumbs. Why can’t they use them?
DAY5
Again, probably a residual effect of Khan, but I keep finding that people are suddenly chatting with me even if it’s just small talk.
Getting a lot of ideas lately. But not with regards to solving the practice problems I am trying out for my exam. Why is that?
With regards to stupidity and stupid questions, it’s not really just about questions that can be “googled”, but also with regards to repetitive questions, or questions that have been asked multiple times but is still being asked again and again. It doesn’t matter if it’s paraphrased or reworded.
My theory: anger is essentially about boundary-setting.
When an internal or external boundary has been transgressed, anger is the bodymind’s energy/force of asserting or reasserting where those boundaries should be. ‘Talk to me in this way’, ‘Ask this of me and no more’, ‘touch me in this way’, ‘treat my loved ones in this way’ and so on.
It sounds to me as though you are in a state of transformation. The boundary posts and border lines of your identity are being adjusted and reset to positions that better accommodate your new growth and power.
I think that, ironically, much of the anger, impatience, or irritation, is probably actually about you. It’s you getting used to this new way that things will be. Like your soul is screaming ‘I have the right to be this way!’. It’s sensitive to any perceived transgressions or slights.
I know we’ve never met. So, this is all just intuitive reaching.
But another intuitive reach: as your system becomes comfortable and accustomed to your new enhanced standards, they will come to feel more and more natural, comfortable, and incontestable. Things that seem, now, to threaten your equilibrium will lose their power to do so. Balance and equilibrium (equanimity) will be reasserted. As that happens, the anger may decrease, or perhaps not ‘decrease’ precisely, but feel more under your conscious control.
Very deep insights. Maybe this could be some residual reconciliation from khan? Makes me think whether or not I should rerun khan again but much longer. Especially since my first try with khan, I started stacking up with QL and PCC around st3 and st4 of khan. Maybe by stacking, I did not get the “full” effects of khan.
DAY6
Maybe I should stop this experiment? Wife noticed that I am more agitated and easily angered lately. A lot worse than when I was running Khan.
But then, could this be another sign of reconciliation? I said I would try this experiment for a few weeks. So let’s see.
Haven’t seen any improvement when studying. Been able to better understand topics when reading the theory. But practical problems still get me stumped. Tried running BL in the mornings and before bed at night, but I find myself dozing off or outright falling asleep while listening to BL. Practical problems for my exam sometimes need creative solutions, which is why I also tried using BL. But I’m not sure if falling asleep while listening helps me. I know there’s an ultrasonic sub embedded in it, but not sure how effective it might be without the visualization.
Could this be that playing stage 4 alone would be better than stacking all 4 files! 
Hmmm… Maybe? As I mentioned at the start, this is just an experiment, hence the title of the journal.
Well apparently stage 4 is specially scripted to have all three other scripts + additional information inside of it. Running all three + the fourth will bring you 4 different scripts, making it way harder for your brain to absorb. I found this effect also to be apparent when running all three versions of Emperor.
I would say, run stage 4 only instead of 1-2-3 and stage 4. It’s way to much scripting for your brain.
Lol! Good point.
However, given that it’s just an experiment, I may simply stop this and go on normally. Or, I can be fool hardy and go on a little longer. Who knows?
I’m always in favor of experiments. Although if you are seeking for quick results, then I wouldn’t proceed using this stack. Eventually you’ll reap the benefits, but who you knows how long that will take.
DAY13
Haven’t been able to update lately simply because I’ve been very busy and that almost everyone at home is/was sick. Am currently just recovering from flu myself.
So I took @Hermit and @Simon’s recommendation and focused on just QL ST4. Given that emperor also had ql lite, I wanted to test whether or not it would help improve my “drive” to learn. Given that my exam’s next week, I’m a bit confused as to what to feel.
I can’t say I’m nervous and anxious because I don’t feel like it. But I also can’t say I’m confident because I know there’s a lot I missed. Maybe somewhere in between?
The experiment has ended. I did not pass my exam. Looking back, I can only blame myself. I only focused on the easy parts. The more difficult parts, I only browsed through and did not take the effort to further understand them. Unfortunately, majority of the exam was focused on them.
Also, I guess I rushed things a bit. After passing an easier exam (from my previous journal), I was feeling cocky and overconfident. Given that I did not really prepare a lot for the earlier exam and passed it, I thought I could do the same for this one too.
And so, back to the drawing board.
This time around, I plan on stacking QL, emperor and mogul. Mogul and Ql will be played at night on ultra so as to also let my wife learn to handle money better and maybe encourage her to drive, while emperor during the day. Unlike Khan, I will be playing each stage of ql for 2 months each. That way, hopefully both me and my wife may better absorb and benefit from the effects of these subs.
Seems to me that prepping for an important exam is a really bad time to try an experiment. Do what you know works when it’s important. Experiment when the outcome isn’t super important.
Anyway, condolences on the exam.
Well, thanks I guess? Though it’s not like someone I know and feel deeply for died or anything like that.
But yeah. Lesson learned. Experiment when I have more free time.