@MAkh Yes, I really crave that title to be honest with you.
Just pulled the trigger on Regeneration.
Tomorrow I’m going to listen to it with GLM.
However, I’ll scale the listening exposure back to 30 sec for both (yesterday I listened to 7 min of GLM with very low to non-existent recon symptoms) just to be sure I’m not overexposing myself on the very first listen.
Less is more.
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Played 30s of GLM + DR:Reg this morning and I had another 1.30h of sleep with strange dreams related to my fears.
Tonight instead I had a dream in which I was creating 2 wonderful Trance songs with my mind while trying to remember them for my waking life.
Unfortunately, I don’t remember them anymore. That kind of dream happened few times several years ago too without having the chance to remember those out-of-this-world tunes.
I also had another dream related to wild and dangerous animals, especially unleashed dogs. I guess there’s deep work on my irrational/emotional side.
Today I feel like my emotions are numbed or under some sort of strange anesthesia. If I try to feel them they seem to vanish though.
Underneath them there’s a new kind of heaviness that’s very difficult to describe. It’s a paradoxical distant but near heavy sensation that, once again, whenever I try to observe it directly it seems to shift or weaken. However it regains intensity whenever I put my attention on something else.
It’s a sensation around my heart region.
I don’t know what’s going on under the conscious surface.
In other news news, my passion for diecast model cars reignited itself big time.
It’s an old passion of mine since when I was a child so it’s a genuine one for sure and not an externally conditioned one like some others.
If I had enough money, I would like to create an awesome diecast museum full of realistic dioramas to enjoy it with others aswell.
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I feel like a doomed loser right now.
40 years seems like a huge waste of time to be in a position where what I really want didn’t manifested.
Now I don’t want to desire anything anymore due to the suffering involved in the high chances of losing again. Because every loss digs the hole deeper and deeper.
It’s an harsh realization and there isn’t any emotional anesthetic to be able to face it without suffering.
Life sucks when you face the truth.
However I don’t want to suffer anymore.
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No amount of subliminal programming can save the Egoic and loser part of me.
I’m still trapped into the identity of a separated being against the World. That’s why I’m not experiencing what I want.
“I need to heal xyz in order to experience xyz”
“I need to do xyz in order to experience xyz”
“I need to act in a certain way to experience xyz”
Those are all externally conditioned limiting beliefs that perpetuate the identity of separation.
This vicious cycle needs to stop
If not I’ll repeat ad infinitum Maya: The World of Illusion.
Embodying the Identity of my Higher Self is the solution.
I just need to remember who I Am.
I need to embody the pure Awareness that I Am.
I’m not an aware human being.
I’m Awareness having an human experience.
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External success makes you rely on the reflection on your Reality to build your seeming and fleeting self-worth.
Chronic external failure forces you to not rely on your reflection in the 3D but to enquire your real identity in order to build your true Self-Worth which is a direct consequence of being Awareness.
I purposely built a life full of negative feelings and occurrences not due to self-sabotage but to wake up from the identification with the Ego.
I lost in my Egoic life to remember that I’m beyond win and lose, success and failure because I can observe both.
I’m Awareness because I can observe everything.
I feel you, just keep going, I’ve been where you are not long ago, hold on a little longer, things will start making more sense eventually.
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Not wanting to listen to any Subliminals anymore.
I guess when you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real you cannot go back.
After all the money and time investment in this technology there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
Still alone, single, virgin, broke like I was when I started.
At 40 years old, it’s not acceptable at all and now I have to find a real solution.
Unfortunately, only a miracle can turn my life where I want it to be.
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Double irony here @HyperMan
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This attitude may be a result of your listening (feeling determined and empowered rather than waiting for something external to fix things).
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This attitude is (just for me personally) a good one to take when listening to subs. (‘I’m going to fix this/work on this myself. The subs may help me.’)
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