These may or may not be permanent beliefs, most likely in the moment stuff.
VENTING ALERT… feel free not to read… prolly writing this to look back on at some point; I’m also sleep deprived, haven’t slept all night so
Man wtf is this shit… I’m so fucking young, wasn’t abused or anything in childhood, grew up in a comfortable middle-class family in a good neighbourhood, has good friends in school,
the only thing bad thing from childhood is my poor relationship with my father; he beat me when I screwed up, and I grew up scared of him, I’m 23 now, and we still don’t have a good relationship… we smile and laugh and talk and live peacefully under the same roof. Still, I don’t have that connection with him… his bad temper and absence due to work didn’t allow for any connection to form…
My life with mom was good; she, too, beat me. Her beating was more in frequency and less in intensity… with dad, it was vice versa…
Why the fuck am I reminiscing about my childhood… I want to know why the fuck am I not getting results… where the hell did my subconscious blocks come from… why me?
What the hell are my blocks?
I’ve been reading about the shadow (Carl Jung) and have dug deep inside my mind and have made terrible admissions to myself that was quite ugly… I thought I was clearing my blocks by digging shit up… maybe there’s more to dig…
dont really know what good the digging has done so far…
But my understanding is Subcon blocks stop good things from coming to us…
blocks about love, obstruct love
blocks about money, obstruct money
I’m basing my lack of results on that logic here… I don’t know any other mechanism as of now…
Why the hell do I not get results…?
"If you’re new to sub-club, start with AM for 30 days, 1 day per loop"
Okay, bro… I did that… I used a little more too… I’m at 100+ hours, and I don’t even feel any different… wtf.
How the fuck are people twice, and almost thrice my age getting results so fast…
They must have a lifetime of shit in their Subcon minds; they’ve lived more… endured more shit… they shud have more blocks and shud get results much slower… isn’t it?
how are newbies like @AlexanderGraves (who I hear is very generous and has a big heart) and older ppl like @James stack and still get results…
okay aside from physical results… how are deep internal changed taking place in such users… you don’t need action for that… right?
DR1, Khan TB doesn’t need you to do shit for all the cleansing…
You see how I keep linking blocks and results…? coz that’s the only mechanism I know so far when it comes to manifestation…
OR are subs not exactly part of the manifestation thing?
I am certainly missing something, OR I have a fuck ton of Karmic blocks from my past life (is this thing even real?)
My sis is a very, very good astrologer; we have a fuckton of valuable old books on tons of esoteric knowledge… basically, in my past life I was a priest who stole a little from a temple… that’s what she’s told me… other than that I was a good guy…
We’re a diverse group here… maybe one of u can connect some dots…
I used a cheap paid sub last year, and fuck, I don’t even remember how long I used it, but it made me some fucking money…
I’ve been wasting time on YT subs since Nov 20’ to March 21.’
ZERO results… other people were still getting results from those free YT subs… why not me?
In the discord server also, teenagers are getting results so fast… height increase and whatnot?
wtf is happening in this world?
sometimes i feel i dont even know why im chasing the things i want… truth is i’d be happy with nothing… i want to be in nature and meditate and achieve enlightenment and escape this fucking prison called earth and matrix
I was a very demanding child but since ive grown up i’ve not had a want for anything… in the past 6 years I’ve not bought a single pair of new jeans… changed phone and laptop only when the old ones where affecting my work in college… i have tons of good branded clothes but i dress okay, never any show off…
Does it look like I’m desperate for results? I just feel stupid for all the time I invested here… LIke I want some fucking output… I’m truly glad you guys are at least getting results…
My failure with subs has not made me resentful towards other’s successes… I’m proud of that.
I even tried fields… I have a very severe hair issue… I’m so fucking young.
I tried Harper’s Hair restoration for 21+ days… fucker says you’ll see results in 21 days…
Like fucker what??
didn’t fuckign work
Fields have failed me as well, it seems… I’m still using them tho… only for those physical changes…
I’ve listened to tons of Subcon blockage removal subs from YT and shit… subs that are really popular and lots of people swear by them… but so far… nothing…
I’m at a decent place in life rn at my age group. I have secured a good job in a country infected with mass unemployment… I came this far without any subs or bs, just by sheer force and will
I think I may have to continue this journey without subs as well.
I find that when I’m sleep deprived, I type more and really fast.
If by any stroke of luck you’ve made it this far… sorry for wasting 5 mins of your life that you’ll never get back…
I see writing as therapeutic… that’s why I write shit to get it out of my system… i do that with pen and paper as well…
This is also connected to my idea of digging the psyche for blocks and resolving them…
I’m home for 1+ year now… locked in the house… no friends nothing… the school friends I had I’m afraid I’ve outgrown them… i might cringe at them now… i need friends maybe…
I entered college clueless and wasted a fuckton of opportunities… but since the past 2 years since I found twitter… I’ve grown tremendously… my mindset, actions, everything…
my sister who is 5 years older idealises me, worships me and looks up to me as if I’m the older brother… I’ve drastically changed her life… pulled her out of depression… I’m doing the same with my mom now…
my dad made my mom’s life hell… my and my sister is why she didn’t kill herself long ago
anyways…
I hope this journal lives… and I can come back here and laugh… or I live with such a full spirit that I forget this mind dump completely
I didn’t mean to attack or demean anyone here… you guys are a helpful bunch and I am grateful…
this is a mind dump, that’s all
Peace
I’m gonna sleep now 
