Abundance Architect - Paving the way into Prosperity

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#145

I’m already 3 weeks out of my detox and back into forum action, but procrastinated on moving my journal from Notion to here. Now, to procrastinate from work, I can start this endeavor.

A lot happened. Much more than I would have thought possible. So much that I forgot to journal but Life was just to fast at times. So I’ll try to search my memory to amend some posts. Not for you, but for myself. I need a journal to reread what happened during this period when I’ll reflect on my progress at some point next year.

I will comment on my journal, using [text in brackets and in italic ].

And I’l probably start another Dopamine Detox January first. A bit lighter than the last one, like with access to the forum, but with restricted access. Also using gray scale for my phone and more restriction on social media, especially telegram groups I use for news. Saint inspired me a bit on this one. Nothing to loose. The most obvious stuff someone will tell me anyways.

#146

28th October 2024

Listening day 7

LB 7:25 DRLD 15:00

First day of the Dopamin Detox.

It’s strange to forgo the use of my smartphone as I used to do. But simultaneously it’s rather easy. I’m not missing gaming or social media. Not even the forum. Probably because I know and feel that it’s the right thing to do.

I got up early to apply some unction on my grandmother’s back. I’ll do it daily from now on.

[It’s not daily anymore, since it got way better, and I mostly do it in the evening since I have a really hard time getting up atm, and most of the time, she’s already up and in the kitchen]

I also realized that I need a morning routine. Something to arrive in my body and the new day. Perhaps some light sport, some yoga, whatever. Still need to figure it out.

[I Still do]

Also I felt the desire to start an offline journal. Perhaps planning the day. Right after breakfast. Something without tech. Just a book and a pen.

[I started this recently, only not right at the beginning of the day. It’s a great way, to understand yourself better]

I don’t want to increase Dopamin First Thing in the morning by using my phone to much.

Work was slow. My major account got suspended last week, so I only have one old backup account. So at first I thought about having ChatGPT writing a script for my browser so it can automatically check for certain hashtags. But after finishing I realized that this would probably trigger the bit spotting algorithms in IG. So I needed another Idea to increase my productivity. And I found one. It’s just a makeshift thingy, but it will work until I have another good account running.

I also brought more structure in my work so I can keep better track of all the accounts I interacted with in the past.

I went on a walk in the afternoon with my fiancee to see some alpacas :llama: it was nice.

While sitting on a bench and watching these beatify animals frolicking, I noticed that my CEO was calling. A first shock subsided rather quickly. Why was he calling me out of a sudden?

But before I could take the call, he hang up. So I called back. Turned out It was just a mishap while creating a new WhatsApp group.

In the evening we had our weekly mindset call. At the end, he was kicked out of the call. So we first talked a bit, others asked what to do. And I immediately said “I’m gonna call him”.

Turned out, his Internet provider had problems, so he told me to send the others out of the call and then close it.

I see my progress in this. Taking the lead in a challenge and being confirmed by my superior.

Time to sleep. Half past eleven. Brushing my teeth and then I’ll sleep.

Btw, I got a special toothpaste. I was looking for some time for one against stains from tea, coffee and smoking without fluoride. Didn’t find one at first, then I found one from Moskau. More expensive than my usual one, but I ordered it anyways. And it’s working great. Not even a week now and my fiancees teeth lost some stains already and are looking smooth now. Still yellow of course, but without stains. After just 5 days. Great product.

[It’s a really great product. My teeth got much brighter during while using it. My fiancee is still using it with great results]

#147

30th October 2024

Listening Day 8

LB 10:00 DRLD 15:00

Dopamin Detox is hard. I spent some time on IG today outside of work and watched some YT videos on japan.

But still I notice the positive effect it has on me.

My fiancee is much more radical. She cut out everything she used to push her dopamin. Instead she listens to soothing frequencies and does a lot of inner work, thinking and journaling. I’m seriously proud of her.

Workewise I’m getting traction. No results so far, but I notice how it’s getting easier for me.
[little spoiler: I ran in a major block, that is just now about to melt ]

I thought about getting a custom the last couple of days. Ascension + LB + New Emotional Healing Experience as cores. And modules like I AM ATMAN, Emotions unfettered, ardent light, Breath of the storms and some more.

That would give me the possibility of running LB and Ascension together plus I would get some other modules I wanted to run for a long time now. Also it has Dopaminergic Revival to boost my Dopamin Detox.

#148

31st October 2024

I got professional fotos taken today. I needed them for my social media profiles plus I need a new ID. I procrastinated on it for quite some time now. Always with a good reason like I need to get a new haircut first because my hair is so long that it looks unprofessional etc.

Turned out nice.

I also did it. I ordered my new Custom. Still no name for it. But it should arrive right after washout. I’ll call it Ascended Love for now.
[* I still call it Ascendet Love* ]

It contains:

  • Love Bomb Core

I still need more self love. Running LB gave me more ambition and drive than running LE. I think because a lack of self love is still holding me back

  • Ascension Core

same is true for confidence and self worth. I need to grow my masculine core. That’s why I chose Ascension

  • New healing experience core

most of my challenges I see are based on emotional trauma

  • Ardent Light

Be it gaming, snacking, masturbation, procrastinating, smoking and a lot more. I want to let it go.

  • Aphrodite

I know that porn had a major influence on me for 20 years. It gave me piED and shaped my view of sexuality. Time to heal.

  • DEUS

I plan to run this custom for much longer than I ran Abundance Architect. It’s also a very general custom. Therefore DEUS has a lot of time to unfold.

  • Divine Self-Image

Lack of self love, self worth and confidence. Being conscious about my weight, looking in the mirror and feeling I’m not good looking because I’m to fat, applying for a job and feeling unqualified because I never had a regular job, etc. This should help a lot.

  • Dopaminergic Revival

I knew that I needed this module for a long time. My dopamine detox atm is the perfect occasion. Also having this as a regulating factor while working in social media will be helpful as well.

  • Dream Traveler

I notice a lot of dreams on LB. I want to remember them to understand them better. If it should lead to lucid dreaming I wouldn’t complain either.

  • Emotions Unfettered

Also one of the modules I wanted for my BLoOM custom already. A few years ago, whenever I was asked how I feel, I said good. Because I couldn’t feel any emotions inside towards myself. I worked a lot on this and it got much better, bit still, I know that there’s a lot more to feel.

  • Pride unbroken

The feeling of being left alone is like a red thread in my life. Especially with my father this destroyed a big part of me. Pride unbroken will heal this.

  • SPS Fat Burn

As mentioned above, my weight is pulling me down. Literally and figuratively. I was overweight since I was eight years old. I started to loose weight seriously 2019 on a carnivore diet, was energetic, went dancing 5-6 days a week and lost 30 kg. Then the lockdowns not only took dancing from me but also socializing. So I gained it all back. I miss this good looking version of me. So I added SPS Fat Burn. Especially in winter it should have a helpful effect. I read a couple of times of people feeling warm all the time.

  • Synergy: Apollon Unbound

I know I’m a good looking guy with superb hair. But somehow I only see the flaws. Therefore this. Physically Shifting plus Shifting of my perception and I’m golden.

  • Synergy: Breath of the Storms

With Emotions Unfettered and I AM ATMAN there will be a lot of turmoil inside me. That’s why I originally chose Foundation. Breath of the Storms also **helps with changing behaviors, so a plus point.

  • Synergy: Divine Dominion

I already owned it from AA. But also I’m a bit more conscious now want to use it this time.

  • Synergy I AM ATMAN

Also a contender for AA. But @Lion warned me, that it’s a major cause for recon, so I didn’t use it in my first custom. After @Ouruboros said how he liked the combination with Emotions Unfettered and I wanted it anyways, I knew it was a must.

I know there a tons of unconscious structures that hold me back. Some I know, most probably not. I AM ATMAN will help me discover them and letting them go.

[I didn’t get any recon from it, besides being tired from it after waking up, but I wouldn’t pin this on I AM ATMAN ]

  • Synergy: Venus Unveiled

This trifecta of love is a remainder of the relationship custom I planned. Since this custom is about loving myself I want to push this to the next level.

  • Synergy: Wisdom of the Ages

I lived an interesting life so far. I studied theology and philosophy, went through the darkest valleys, had deep spiritual experiences, found love, healed a lot already, read tons of books. But often it feels like this all lays dormant, inaccessible in my day to day life. With SWAg I’ll be able to use all this to create the life I ever dreamed of.

  • Synergy: Wonders of Life

Also one of the modules I wanted to run the moment I read the description. Originally I only knew about Spiritual Freedom until @TheGreenMan recommended this Synergy module. I think everyone who followed a spiritual path for a time, knows these moments the veil becomes translucent and you get a little glimpse of how big and truly wonderful reality really is. But in most cases every day life covers it sooner or later again. I want to rediscover this feeling, this understanding, this bigger perception of reality. Especially in combination with this childlike wonder that puts you in awe of life.

  • Way of understanding

I considered Way of Mercy as I did for my relationship custom, but on closer contemplation I realized that I only need this single module. Firstly to understand myself, my motivations, my desires better, secondly to understand my fiancee and my family better and thirdly in business this is extremely helpful.

Besides all that, the detox is bearing fruit already. I take a daily walk with my fiancee. Often to see some Alpakas. I started reading again. An apocalyptic novel. It’s reconnecting me with my spiritual side. It made me cry a few times already.

[the daily walks are a thing of the past sadly. Need to reestablish them. I’m still reading, though now it’s other stuff, though I should start reading that novel again and finish it ]

[This Custom is the single greatest subliminal I’ve ever listened to. I felt so many modules pretty much from the start. So many great revelations. No regrets about any module ]

2 Likes
#149

1st November 2024

Listening Day 9

LB 15:00 DRLD 15:00

Not much done today. It’s all saints day. I got up as usual to care for my grandma, spent an hour writing my journal entries for the last two days, had breakfast, watched a church service, prepared lunch, showered, went to the graveyard for church service, went straight to bed with a hot water bottle because I felt extremely cold. Massaged my fiancee, went through the q modules compendium, ate and now I’m lying in bed again.

But it was so relaxing. I needed this.

We’re listening to frequencies during our detox. There’s a German producer with a great selection. I had a subscription with him years ago and still have a lot of his stuff. His sleep infusion track helped me falling asleep when my sleep was seriously fucked up due to panic attacks and such.

Let’s see how it works out in combination with subs.

While reading the compendium I contemplated on my new custom. I’m really looking forward to running it. The only question is when I will start to feel the modules I desire the most, like Wonders of Live, Dream Traveler, Apollon Unbound and Fat Burn. At least, these are the modules where I’ll be able to most easily spot results. Nope. That’s not true. There’s this part of me that wants those results the most.

Why? Good question. Because they’re connected to feeling good, to pleasure? Deep down I want to grow, to feel my emotions Unfettered, to get healing from I AM ATMAN, etc.

But right now that looks like a hard journey, whereas the ones above are far more pleasant.

I like this detox. It’s changing my relationship totally. Instead of watching TV we have conversation, massage each other, read books together, go on walks.

#150

2nd November

Listening Day 10

AL 10:00

Decided to read the description off all the modules for my custom again to prepare my subconsciousness for the first run.

I realized a few more things, what I want from the modules. Also I noticed, that I never even tried to use Divine Dominion when I had it in AA. I was still to unconscious, to ignorant. That is one big thing I need to change.

[I’m still not that proficient in using it (I even integrated ME in my stack) I see some results from time to time, but I generally “forget” to manifest ]

I also built a fancy manifestation custom. I don’t think I’ll ever build it. It is similar to Vespers and Invictus iCreate. It has seven Synergies (like my current one) but it has all the modules for experienced users like 42, Sam//Vana, Sands of time etc. perhaps I’ll build a version of it once I’m a bit more settled.

[Funnily, Im considering building it coming spring. I’m set on running ME for 3 months, then Singularity, and then I plan to build the custom ]

When I wanted to work, I realized one of my social media accounts was blocked and with the other one showed a warning. So I consumed a lot with the last one. Still hoping to get the other one back.

I was a bit frustrated, so I took a long walk with my fiancee. We talked a lot along the way. I realized that a part of me still feels unworthy of success and therefore it creates obstacles like the blocks, a lack of answers etc. So we decided to work on the topic. We use kinesiology to find the best techniques and beliefs. We started with integrating new beliefs. I have a matrix with 165 beliefs that I read once or twice a few years back. With kinesiologic testing we found the most fitting beliefs and I integrated them. The reason I explain our approach is how fitting the beliefs are (once again). We all know, change needs time. But sometimes, this leads to some doubts if it’s working after all. And moments like this simply prove how effective this approach is. The first belief was “With a job I love, I can earn all the money I need” and the following was “I make my dreams and visions come true”. They are simply so fitting. When my fiancee read them to me, I felt like crying for a moment because I knew these statements weren’t true yet.

And that’s when the magic happened. After integrating the first belief, I got a mail, saying that my custom is ready to download. I ordered it on Thursday and got it about two days later. I didn’t expect it to arrive for a few more days, perhaps even a week later. Then, after the next belief, I got the first answer this week on one of my cold messages (it was a dead week for some reason I can’t explain other than subconsciousness sabotaging my success).

But we didn’t stop there. We worked for another two hours using different approaches.

Then I worked for another hour, decided to listen to my custom for the first time, and consumed on IG to keep my account safe. As usual I told my subconscious what I want from running the custom and to send me a signal when to stop so I don’t get any serious recon. I don’t know if it is because I ran both cores (Ascension and Love Bomb) for a few months separately, but I didn’t get any signal to stop. I decided to stop after 10 minutes anyways, just to be on the safe side. Went to bed around 3am. Didn’t sleep very well, got up at 9, and I’m feeling surprisingly well. In the past I used to be extremely tired after going to bed so late and sleeping just 6h.

Gave my grandma some ginger juice with turmeric and black pepper, as a tea. A few hours later she complained that she’s having a serious headache.

[The next day, she felt like the headache cleared a fog in her head, so everything’s fine ]

#151

Excellent custom, @Parsifal. All the best!

1 Like
#152

4th November

Listening Day 11

AL 15:00 DRLD 15:00

Got up early for grocery shopping. Time went by super fast. I realized today two things.

  1. I eat like I’m super stressed. It was the first time I noticed that consciously. So I decided to eat more mindful. I think I failed in the end, but it’s a start.
    [this got much better ]

  2. My time management is absolute shit. As I said above, I don’t know where the time went today.
    [this is still correct, but I trust that DRLD will solve this in time, since it has scriting for this ]

On the bright site, I went through my custom booklet today and reflected what I want from most modules. Then I listened to my custom. No ping, so a full loop. Same for DRLD.

[I created a custom booklet, containing all the descriptions of the subs. Meaning the full copies of Ascension and LB, as well as all descriptions of the modules. I even put the descriptions of the constituent modules behind the Synergys description as well as the “Similarities, differences and combinations” sections that some modules have (like the constituent modules of Divine Dominion. This way I have much more input about my custom and I can guide it more consciously. I also added a free page after each module, three after the core, for reflection: what do I want from the module, where do I experience its effects and results etc. 76 pages in total ]

In our mindset call, our CEO called me his favorite and said his expecting great things fr me, once I’m able to put my horsepower on the street. Now that I’m writing about it, I realize, that he’s not only looking for numbers, but for potential. We had a lot of guys with much better numbers that dropped out after a few weeks. But he knows about my past, how I’m trying to improve daily, how I give my best to become a high performer. I will honor his trust in me.

After the call, I wanted to smoke a cigarette with my fiancee, so I called her. She told me she’s upset because I spent time on sub club during the call (which I did. But it was because I got a PM from a friend I was worried about because he vanished for a few months after writing about his troubles. Since I see myself in his struggles, I felt a big relief and an obligation to answer). She felt like getting a beer, but went to a playground to swing instead.

We had a long conversation about all her feelings and did a few coaching processes to help her. It was the first time ever that she was objective about her feelings and realized that it’s not necessarily true. We went for the origin of this feeling and found an entity clinging to her. My first exorcism like prayer followed. Thank God I remembered a lot from the stuff my exorcist friends explained to me (all trained by the Vatican chief Exorcist, one of them even his assistant) And thank God that I started to get closer to God recently.

Now it’s half past eleven, she’s cooking something and I still have an hour of work to do. I really need to master my time management.

I also noticed the prodding from Atman yesterday when I questioned my actions and why I do it and if it’s more efficient to do it in another way. Fast acting modules.

#153

5th November

Got up early to care for my grandma. My mother was there before me. The we had a little confrontation in the kitchen. Nothing big, just some passive aggressive behavior from her. Usual stuff. I took 5 minutes, alone on our terrace and suddenly knew I was pissed and I was angry. That’s new to me. Usually I don’t understand my feelings that easily. Maybe emotions Unfettered? Way of understanding?

Before showering, I decided to read the description of Divine Dominion and decided to try some manifestation about getting 10€ in tips from my gas station shift. But I fell asleep Along the way.

The work was pretty stressful. Tons of costumers, new Shelf’s getting installed, more chaotic than usual. And I forgot my cigarettes. But I didn’t find a free minute to smoke anyways. Tips-wise, I spent the first 3 bucks on a pistachio croissant and a cappuccino, then I started collecting. I ended up with 10,31€.

I also asked my boss for a cigarette. She gave me three. I got my wage. It was also more than I expected it to be.

Divine Dominion is crazy. It’s the first time, I’ve ever tried to manifest something like this and it worked immediately. So wild.

When I got home, I worked a couple of hours juicing ginger since we’ve switched from tea to ginger lemon tea. I felt a slight headache forming. Three hours later, I started my acquisition. Headache got worse. Took a painkiller buts it’s still strong. 1:30. I wanna sleep, but the pain is to strong.

Recon? Could be. Perhaps a sign that I should not add a 12th listening day to this cycle. I’ll test it tomorrow (kinesiologically).

#154

6th November

Listening day 12

AL 15:0 DRLD 15:00

113,0KG

#155

10th November

Processing Day 4

Weight: 112,2

I thought I mentioned it before, but couldn’t find it, so I’ll say it now. I lost 1,4 kg since I started with AL a week before.

To be honest, I lost 2kg before without me noticing it. I don’t know how long it took, if this is just a continuation of something that started perhaps 10 days ago. I don’t know. All I know is, that I’m loosing weight without doing anything differently all of a sudden. Considering the amount I lost, it should have even started before my Dopamin Detox.

I also started an offline journal. It’s a tedious task. It’s slow, it’s hurting my hand, but its differently effective. I realized a connection between my lack of effort and my personal ideal of poverty that I hold on to for almost a decade when I wanted the become a priest or a monk. Becoming productive means earning serious money and that would mean to betray my old conviction. I’m falling between two stools here. I know that this old conviction is wrong, especially for someone who wants to have a family. But that doesn’t make it easier to drop it. I can’t simply reach into my pocket and throw it in the trashcan.

I just realized I feel like a traitor. I’m crying right now. I feel like one of those spitting in Jesus face on Calvary.

3 listening days, four processing days an I AM ATMAN is kicking my ass. This is crazy effective.

#156

12th November

Listening Day 1

AL 15:00 DRLD 15:00

14th November

Listening Day 2

SSX 12:26 AL 15:00

Went to a church to pray for about my vow. It was an intense feeling. When I asked a question, I heard a voice inside my head answering. You know, like when you’re discussing your own thoughts. Honestly, I don’t care where it originated from, my subconscious or the divine, but it told, me something like “I never wanted this vow. I accepted it, but now, Ill give it back to you. You are free !”. So I’m happy with the results

[and still, this feeling of betraying god with my pursuit of wealth is gone since. ]

#157

15th November

Did some breath work on all the all the oaths I made. Wanted to work in the evening, but I fled into distraction: IG, reading, masturbated (without porn). At a point I realized, that there’s a panic inside. Like I left an old, dreary fort with thick walls after decades and now I’m standing in a Tokyo shopping street. Everything is to much and I feel naked and unprotected. Was awake until 5 am.

#158

16th November

Listening Day 3

AL 15:00 DRLD 15:00

Getting Water from our favorite well. We listened to spiritual music on the way. I cried a lot, discovering it wasn’t God’s fault, but mine, when I made these oaths he never asked for. I decided to pray regularly again.

[which I didn’t do sadly ]

#159

17th November

Started my day with prayer.

Today I conducted our local choir. They asked me a few days ago because their conductor couldn’t make it today.

It was the first time in over a decade, I think like 15 years ago. I stood in front of the choir and I was calm. Most of the singers I knew since I was a child as adults. Now I’m the one in charge. A year ago, this would have panicked me. But this time, it felt natural to be in charge. I didn’t properly prepare. So during vocal warm up, I didn’t know exactly what to do, made a few mistakes, but I didn’t care. I just did it as if it was the most normal thing to do. And the people were absolutely excited about how I did it. So we arrived at the church for memorial Day. I spoke with the conductor of the brass band and our Mayor for a few organizational details. It was smooth. I really grew during this one year with Sub club.

I also noticed that I regularly have this moments when I’m thinking I should do this more mindful, like when I’m eating something whole walking or reading.

#160

18th November

Monday

Listening Day 4

AL 15:00 DRLD 15:00

20th November

Listening Day 5
[Didn’t write down anything about that day. I’m not even sure if I listened to subs at all]

22nd November

Friday

Listening Day 6

AL 5:32 DRLD 5:00

Decided to run run shorter loops

25th November

Listening Day 7

AL 12: 37 DRLD 15:00

Monday

[I wanted to keep track of weekdays, but I forgot about it, although I think it#s a good idea.]

27th November

Listening Day 8

AL& ME 15:00

29th November

Listening Day 9

ME 8:00 AL 15:00

Been to IKEA today. Bought candles for 80€.

(We’re having 11 burning right now in our bedroom).

slept shitty. Almost like with my KB3 Overdose. Felt hot even with just a thin blanket, felt cold without anything.

30th November

Slept a lot better. Woke up a few times, dreamed weirdly but no heat flashes or anything alike.

Managed to do my work.for sales and got 12€ tips at the gas station. Not my record, but for a very slow evening it was very good.

1 Like
#161

1 December 2024

Listening day 10

ME 8:13 AL 12:32

Found out that another part of my inner obstacles is that I am torn between my fiancee and my family. And that stops me from earning money. Because once I make enoughe we plan to leave Germany. But I don’t want to abandon my family….

3rd December 2024

Tuesday

Listening Day 11

ME 12:43 AL 4:29 DRLD 15:00

Monday the 9th starts the new cycle.

8th November

Processing Day 5

Weight: 112,8

Weight went a little up, but thats the usual way. up and down bit with a clear downward trend. So no need to worry over 0,6kg

Yesterday was wild. In the evening I decided to work with my fiancee on one of her topics. After using the magnet once, her system said, it’s enough. So we switched to me. We looked at my poverty topic. I needed long pauses just to figure out what I was thinking, how to put it in words. At a point I uttered bible verses, one after another. All about living poor, owning nothing etc. I realized, that I didn’t want to have a lot of money, because I thought it would distance me from good even more. That I would never bring him joy, being loved by him, if I would try to earn a lot o money. So I never dared to. I knew, that I distanced myself from God through all my sins, so I wouldn’t want to sadden him even more.

Intellectually, I know, that there’s a difference between owning and earning lots of money and serving mammon. But then I realized, that there’s a lot of bad programming about money in me from my time with a catholic community. They had a huge influence over me from 14 to 25. They didn’t approve of members having and enjoying a lot of money. If you have a lot of money, you should donate it towards the kingdom of God. They didn’t pretend. They lived the same way. Fasting and saving the money to donate it to the community to spend it on evangelization. But looking at it from a distance, it was so unhealthy. Everything they did, they didn’t know any moderation. Praying, fasting, chastity, reading the bible, you name it, they did it to an extrem. Even if it meant that they suffered psychologically and physically.

I knew always that it had a negative influence on myself, but not to which extent.

I was crying a lot during these revelations.

I also realized how potent my new custom is. Right now, I’m guessing this is a synergistic effect between Emotions Unfettered that shows me whats going on, I AM ATMAN that’s really prodding me non stop, and Way of Understanding that made me realize how these beliefs interact with each other.

Religiously, I started reading two books again. The first is a a catholic apocalypse, the second is a book by Alberto Villoldo. You could say, that its contradicting but since I’m a syncretist, everything is fine. The apocalypse brought me much closer to God again. I found myself in the hero. This was one of the major impulses that made me realize my poverty topic. The Book by Villoldo is on reclaiming lost peaces of your soul, soul contracts, finding your purpose in pachamamas womb. I excited to finally use the techniques. Perhaps even this week.

In the evening I did some more work on poverty topic. Besides some stressful body code work, I had to integrate three beliefs. The second was “I create my reality together with God”. This one was an instant integration. I heard it and something just snaped. I had to laugh real hard. The last one was a tough nut though. “I’m ready, willing and able to become the best version of me I can be” I needed 15 minutes at least. And I felt so much resistance. Images from my burnout popping up. But I did it.

Afterwards I drew two cards from my shamanic soul Oracle deck. They were an absolute fit. “The curse” described my situation pretty well, giving some extra explanations that felt right. The second card “The traveler” was clearly hinting towards Villoldos book I’m reading atm.

10th December 2024

Listening Day 1

AL 12:20 ME 4:01

12th December

Listening Day 2

AL 15:00 ME 15:00 DRLD 8:32

Had a call with my team leader. Preparing for a new start.

Looking for a new sub: EoG, EB, Singularity, DRLD, Genesis, Phoenix, AA

I started to write erotic fiction. Partly for me time, partly to fathom my sexuality. It’s not unlike shadow work. I guess this exploration of my sexuality through stories about what arouses me stems probably from Venus Unveiled.

13th December

Found out that there’s a huge part of me, that hates work, because it was the reasons my father never was present and often cancelled his promises visits because of work. Also my mother was absent a lot in my early years because of work.

14th December

Listening Day 3

AL 15:00 Phoenix 8:00

Got up at 8:00 worked till 21:00. Break of 45 minutes. I’m done

16th December

Listening Day 4

ME 15:00 DRLD 10:41

19th December 2024

Listening Day 5

AL 5:00 Phoenix 5:00 EoG1 5:20

Got myself EoG. Partly because of Fomo, when the new one is released, that it will loose it’s special power. Perhaps because NSE results aren’t as “In your Face” as pre NSE subs.

20th December

Lol. Ran EoG1 yesterday for 5:20, and today my boss sent a message asking if I could fill in for college.

I was extremely pissed since I didn’t get any shifts this month yet and thought I wouldn’t get anything out of my Minijob …

EoG 20sec PZzzz20 sec

21st December

Listening Day 6

EoG1 3:03 HaJ 3:00 PZzzz 20 sec

Decided to run AoH over the Hollidays. We all need a bit more Happiness in this time of the usual family struggles.

22nd December

Headache all day long. Got better after I talked about my goals. My system confirmed it is recon indeed. Despite half a bottle of sparkling wine I had the night before, which I considered to be the culprit originally.

Now I have heavy burping which is a usual sign of letting go for me.

23rd December

Listening Day 7

EoG 3:00 AoH 3:00

25th December

Listening Day 8

EoG 3:46 AoH 3:00

26th December

Wonderful Christmas. Watched church in bed, even my fiancee joined in. We all helped prepare lunch. Afterwards meet an old friend from school, smoked a cigar and enjoyed it despite the cigar being to dry at the beginning. Then I prepared coffee and the table, just in time when my family came back from a little tour they took. Then we played some games, with dinner in between.

It was almost perfectly harmonic, only my mother showed perhaps a little bit of recon from a full loop of AoH earlier. A bit of passive aggression because my uncle and I didn’t fix her refrigerator in the last two weeks. But besides that, we played till almost 11pm.

After we ended game night, I realized, that I wasn’t after winning tonight. Of course, it felt nice when I won the last two days. But today I didn’t win once and it didn’t phase me. I was just happy in the game.

Also when my fiancee told me, that she’s not sure about sex later because her menstruation seems to start, I was only slightly disappointed but nothing as serious as before when it felt like I, as a person, got rejected.

That’s a really interesting development.

27th December

Listening Day 9
EoG1 8:00 AoH 8:00 Phoenix 3:00 AL 3:00 DRLD 1:00 ME 1:00

Decided to go with a boom again.

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