Sometimes it is not bad to listen to a sub solo for a long time.
As an all-rounder, Genesis is predestined for this.
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Yeah, I think I always had good results running subs solo. The problem is that there are too many good subs now 
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Yes, that is exactly the problem. Too many good things in the candy store. 
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Day 19 (washout day #4)
99.8kg
I’m feeling a lot of those insecurities still. What am I doing? What have I done? Where can I hide?
The momentum was there but I feel like I’ve stalled, more so internally as my positive mindset of all things are possible is being replaced with self doubt. It’s hard to explain.
I woke up too early, about 3am with shocking sinus pain and sore throat. I had to gargle mouth wash and take pain killers. My eye looks a bit better, it wasn’t completely stuck shut like yesterday when I first woke up. I’ve had a bad run with sickness and I think it too has an impact on my waning positivity, that I described in the last paragraph. I’ll give myself the chance to get over this flu before I judge myself too harshly.
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I fell asleep on the couch late afternoon after feeling a bit crappy. But in my half sleeping half waking state I had a dream that linked my desire to do the perfect job for ppl and the fear of not meeting ppls expectations to experiences from childhood. My own father being a perfectionist himself could never let me help him out doing things when growing up. Even the rare occasions when he would let me have a go at things, it wasn’t too long before he’d take back over because it wasn’t good enough. It hit hard, thinking I was not good enough because I could not understand it was him with the problem.
That explanation paled in comparison to the understanding I felt and experienced in this dream state. The conscious retelling is never as good. DR:LD must be working behind the scenes. It could have been part of the down feeling I’ve had and feeling like I need to stop taking action and crawl back into my mediocre hole. I was looking at my truck and trailer today, working out how to optimise my equipment for efficiency as I ordered some new equipment racks from USA. Between that, new signage and more web presence, I’m going to make better impressions and get more work. As strange as it sounds (or maybe not), getting in optimal shape I think will help too. Ppl assume the fit worker, works harder and is more competent than the fat one.
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Day 20 (washout day #5)
99.6kg
I slept very well having a lot of pleasant dreams. I must have released something yesterday because I’m feeling more relaxed and less panicked about everything today. This conjunctivitis is still there, in both eyes and they’re really red and funky looking. I was meant to go to my daughter’s athletics today but I’ll need to stay home instead. I know the eye drops don’t work unless it’s bacterial conjunctivitis, and this one being caused by a virus means I’ll just have to wait it out. They don’t feel as gritty and sore, so with some luck they’ll be acceptable by Monday to get re-enter society without looking like a zombie 🧟♂️😞
Last night, I also read through objectives for both CTWON and True Sell, and although I really like what CTWOM aims to achieve, I can’t look past how perfect True Sell is for me. So that will likely be my next sub.
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The Mrs ended up bringing home eye cream from the chemist and it’s made a big difference already. I suffer for days for nothing because I thought it wouldn’t work I’m not too good at seeking help, I can’t even remember the last time I saw a Dr.
I’m feeling alright though, and with the eyes clearing up I might even start a new sub cycle tomorrow (Sunday) instead of waiting until Monday. I’m thinking I’ll run Genesis and True Sell next cycle. I know that DR:LD is good but I’m heading into a busy period on several fronts and I don’t want to deal with deeper healing, I’d rather keep things lighter and energetic.
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Day 21 (washout day #6)
99.5kg
I’ll wait another day before starting a new sub cycle. No need to rush.
I’m hoping when I add cardio exercise, it speeds up the weight loss. I have everything setup now. The dumbbells, the barbell, the treadmill and foam roller. I setup the laptop for my daughter a few days ago, so she has that now and I have space for a gym. I wonder wtf I have done at times but she’ll get more use out of the laptop than me and I can get everything done using my phone anyway. The computer was a bit of a time waster for me.
Today I feel ok, my eyes are still a bit red. I look like I’m stoned. I’m a bit nervous about starting a new sub cycle. I fear the challenge of all I need to achieve. My things to get done list remains long, work will be becoming busier, juggling the responsibility of work and organising the kids, as my wife plans to work 3 days per week and it all kind of freaks me out.
Oh well, one step at a time. I’ll start by getting through today 
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