Had a very busy day, but Iām glad I was able to keep to my schedule. 1 more loop of PS and thatās it.
Having 2nd thoughts about experimenting with StarkU, I think I saw something in passing today that mentioned Ultimas are not meant to be permanent, Iām still confused about that, so more reading to do.
Anyway I think EQ is digging deep, I was distant today, not in an angry manner or anything negative, I was just focused to do my own thing.
I have a slight headache though, and ironically, I remembered gatorade as I type this. Itās like Iām under some anti-electrolytes enchantment or something.
I feel like this is what youāre referring too. Azriel seemed to clear it up.
I feel like youāre still pretty lost on what kind of stack you want to do/Ultima you want.
What are your goals again? Go into depth with them and maybe we can help you pick out the perfect stack for you. I want you to be 100% happy however I also know mine and your minds are alike, we get bored of our stack easily and get lost even when we are aligned with the one we need/want.
Nah, not lost anymore. I think weāre beginning to understand now. Iām currently getting a glimpse what EQ is all about and Stark, Itās Khan that I havenāt tried yet, which Iām not sure would jive with my personality. I was never overly sexual. Sure I may give winks here and there but thatās it. If it fails, I could always pretend something was in my eye.
EQ, Iām used to being a lone wolf kind of guy. Stark, I can be jovial too. Iām weird. Itās Khan thatās the wildcard here, I think
Iām glad to hear you arenāt lost. Music to my ears, truly.
Khan would open you up sexually in ways you wouldnāt even imagine. Iāve never considered myself sexual and have things that Iām interested in that arenāt sex and now Iām completely open about it - previously before Khan I was super embarrassed talking about it - now I donāt give a shit. I couldnāt care less. I was born this was and Iām going to embrace it. Thatās the magic Khan gave me over anything else.
I canāt believe I just realised that, khan gave me the freedom to be myself openly - sexually. It made me realise that Iām not just some idiot fantazing over this ārareā fetish I have.
Anyway but I ramble on in the findings of my own ignorance - do you want to be a Khan? Is it what youāre looking for? Khan is pretty similar to what youāre asking for in regard to Emperor/Stark but without the popularity/fame aspect of Stark from my experience.
If thatās what youāre interested in then sure to for it.
I donāt think you are lost too, we just have something very specific in mind, for our needs, and weāre trying to find it right now by either experimenting with stacks or customs. Thereās some parts of EQ that I could remove, and thereās aspects that I wish Stark had.
Khan sounds great, if it trully is the sub to bring out the best that we could be, well well well sign me up, but pac seems to be dealing with some aggressive vibes. Have you noticed this while you were on Khan?
Yeah man, I definitely felt an angry side on Khan and it made me angrier when people noticed it but it isnāt bad - we all have our off days and that shouldnāt stop us from being the best we can be.
I think Khan could do massive things for you actually.
Iād probably even skip Stage 1 considering youāre doing DR or do Stage 1 since it has the Khan Core in it I believe alongside Stage 1 and run it stage by stage.
Bare in mind, from my own experience and others A stage 2 is rough as fuck. However it truly turns you into the man you want to be. Itās worth the ride but holy fuck I had jump off before I intended to as it was affecting my mental health with other things I had going on in life. Thatās my own responsibility though and thereās a warning for a reason.
Now that Iām focusing on EQ, Iām beginning to understand why I feel EQ is integral to my stack.
Iād like to think Iām a strong person, Iāve faced so many challenges in my past, abnormal things, cruel things, and yet with all those challenges, I have kept myself open. I have not developed a shell to protect myself.
This is not intentional.
I have always been too empathic, I always feel, even when I donāt want to. This is what Iām getting from EQ, and so far only from EQ. That emotional armor to protect myself. A plug to stop my inner essence from draining whenever I absorb negativity from an outside source, be it from people or from circumstances.
I have tried PS, AM, with Stark (not extensively) but so far I have not found it.
The question in my mind, would Khan do what EQ is doing for me, and more? So I have been preparing myself, I told myself come January I shall venture into Khan, however my focus is not entirely sexual, Iām already getting up there in age, what I want now is to feel balanced and complete.