My Last Stand (Stark+Ev4+ME) (Final Journal, Transc. Med. 5)


#1

This is going to be my last major journal to document the final part of my journey on this forum.

Five years ago, when my father died, I was a teenager, but already a shadow of a human.
I fell into a very dark abyss I wish upon noone.
My suffering ultimately became so unbearable that I pulled my sword and vowed to find a way out no matter what or who is going to stand in my way.
I owe it to my future self, I said.
And so I started the war of and for my life.
A war that, just like any war, changed my whole being for forever.

It has been about 1 year since I first set foot on this forum.
You already saw so much of my journey. But little compared to all the struggle it took to get to this point.
I will never forget the nights I thought were my last.
I thought I was going insane from almost unbearable suffering.

I shivered in fear.
I screamed in pain.
I cried in despair.

I grew tired of life and the ongoing battles.

When the lockdown began I became conscious of how much I was avoiding this last stand you are going to witness.
I was busy improving my life, earning money and doing all sorts of things pretending to evolve.
But in the end I knew I can’t run away for forever.
The very moment I pulled my sword to face my enemies I did so to finally find love and peace one day.
Yes, my dear friends.
All I ever wanted from life was love.

I never wanted to be the smartest.
I never wanted to be rich.
I never wanted to have power over others.
Deep down, all I wanted is to heal and to meet girls and finally feel accepted and appreciated.
And I knew eventually I’d have to go about this but I always feared this front because it already destroyed my childhood and teenage years once.
With each year passing I became lonelier and lonelier.
Until I didn’t feel it anymore and became numb.

When I did again, Pandora’s box opened and I was overwhelmed by decades of pain and misery.
I didn’t hate just the world, people, my life, my past and myself alone. I hated creation and life itself.
I turned into a heartless, bittered, lonely shell of a man.

My biggest fear is having my heart shot once again.
That’s okay because I learned fear is the shadow of the grand rewards ahead of me.
And I am shaken to the bones.

Maybe you’ll understand what I am talking about, maybe you think I am ridiculous. That’s okay.
But you will understand that I am serious about this. I am facing something that already killed millions of young men of my generation around the globe because they felt inferior and desparate and made millions more suffer indescribable pain.

And now I am ready to fulfill my mission.
My past self suffered so my present and future self could find joy and peace after this last stand.
Let’s finish what he started.

No more excuses.
No more running-away.
Only running forward.

I don’t know who you are but if you ever felt like you were not good enough, this journal is for you.
You will watch me face the hardest challenges of my life.
You will watch me perform tons of miracles because we will need nothing shorter than that.
You will watch a young man leave the last part of his painful past behind him and walk towards the promised future.

This journal is a prayer and a promise for every man with a broken heart.

Get ready.
The end is near.
Welcome to the showdown of my life.


#2

DAY 1

After I reread that introduction, I just had to think of this


Sorry. I just had to.

First of all, I feel stupid but I can’t talk about the details yet.
Why? Well, we need a specific manifestion before we can seriously start the dating game.
“But wait”, I hear you asking “didn’t you just say you wouldn’t prolong your mission any longer?”
You are right. That’s why we have to do it as fast as possible.
The problem is I can’t tell you what it is yet, not before it is made manifest. Neville Goddard said it was very important to do so and I don’t want to question this now.
But this will be the first miracle we are going to perform. It’s not necessary but I added Mind’s Eye for the fun of it. Also, it will be very useful later on. You will see.

Now, what about the personality aspect? I am already on NoFap, my personality has grown alot. I have many tools in my toolbelt when it comes to self improvement. So I wondered which subliminal I would add to support that. I chose StarkQ.
Why?
I am really excited to explain.
In my job, I learn a lot because there are many positions I can take whenever I want. That’s already reason enough, but it gets even better. One of the positions I am eager to start is cold calling people. Not only because of the entrepreneurial side of it, oh no. This is a perfect opportunity to get beat in the face, to get rejected hundreds of times and to learn to keep going and get better every time.
And guess where else these qualities are an advantage? Yeah.
StarkQ will fit it in perfectly.

Also, it seems like it doesn’t need as many loops as older titles and I can add other things to it whenever I want to shift the focus. For example, as soons as I manifested what I can’t tell you about yet, I will run Iron Throne, which is already incorporated in StarkQ but works better when combined.

As soon as I am proven right I am going to build a custom version of StarkQ, to fit better into my situation.

So that’s what we are going to for now. StarkQ and Mind’s Eye (They both have Terminus versions, how convenient)

As soon as I submit this entry, I will hit play (This time I will play it on level 1. I don’t want to hurt my ears. Not again)


#3

DAY 1 - Post 2

One of the worst things I feared just happened to me. And it tears my heart apart. I don’t want to talk about what it is. This is just a note for my future self reading this.
Never forget the pain I endured for you.
Never forget that I always believed in you.
Even though it looks so dark and hopeless and the world scares me so much and my tears wet my face
I still believe everything will turn out well.


#4

DAY 2 - Restday

After 5 Loops of StarkQ Terminus I felt a bit dizzy. Just kidding. Of course I only ran 1 loop. Same with Mind’s Eye Terminus². Didn’t notice much today, my confidence was pretty nice, despite of what happened yesterday. But hey, we got Neville Goddard’s teachings, we got revision, we saw hundreds of times now that manifesting is real, so nothing to worry about.
People seemed more interested in me today, a little bit. For example people (men and women) looked me in the eyes more often and when I got home a gentleman riding a bike saw me and just smiled and this made me smile too.
I’d love to live on a planet where people just smile when they see each other.

I got bad and good news. The bad news: I got the contract. Why is it bad?
Well, it isn’t the actual contract yet. It is more like an internship-contract which means I won’t earn enough money to become independent.
The good news? I will get to the real contract after the internship. When is that?
Either after 3 months have passed OR after I have brought the company some money.
This is your time to shine, StarkQ. I am going to skip the internship as soon as possible.

I had a pretty nice day at work. My boss and I talked about women and he told me that he was scared when he started to approach women but then he just did it and got really good at it. Hah.
Imagine that. My boss teaching me how to approach women. That would be epic.


#5

DAY 3

I thought of playing 2 loops of StarkQ Terminus and Mind’s Eye Terminus today, but I decided not to.
I am going to take it easy the first week and watch what happens. There is also still the possibility of Terminus not working for me so I may have to switch to Q. But I think what makes it work is listening less.
So that’s what I am going to try out.

In my job I am starting to phone people now. It isn’t cold calling yet. For now I am just contacting applicants, making appointments, asking questions etc.
When I started doing that I found I really enjoyed talking on the phone. I enjoyed it so much I actually was really excited and I had this smile I couldn’t put off.
When I am going to cold call potential clients I won’t be able to do that. I will have to be very calm and relaxed and behave like an expert in my field, not a salesperson.
I can’t wait to start.


#6

DAY 4 - Restday

Today I was more reserved. I talked to people on the phone and I had much fun doing so but in conversations with my colleague and boss I noticed I was more introverted today. They started talking about stories they experienced in clubs and on parties and I got more insecure. I already felt insecure when I came into the office this morning. I wore a slip-over and a shirt and while I like stuff like this in general, the shirt was too big for me and I felt humiliated because it reminded me of times in my childhood and highschool years where people made fun of how skinny I was.
None of this happened today and I felt a bit more confident but when they started to talk about partying and stuff I kind of got sad.

Today was one of those days where I felt like I would never have the active social life I desire.

I feel a bit overwhelmed with work at the moment. There are a lot of things to do, both professionally and for my own business and personal life. There was something else I wanted to talk about but I forgot it. Will edit if I remember it


#7

DAY 5

Today I played StarkQ Terminus and Mind’s Eye Q T² for 1 hour each, but on volume 2/15 (before I played on 1/15) Got a mild headache.


#8

Today I noticed how much I hate to depend on people and wait for other people to have someone to talk to and make it obvious how much I value them.


#9

DAY 7

This week I will play 2 loops of T and T². Last week not much happened to report and beside from a headache I haven’t experienced reconciliation or a noticeable shift or anything similar yet


#10

@SaintSovereign I just checked the masked versions of Mind’s Eye and it seems there is no sound. I hope this isn’t the ultrasonic version?


#11

Not sure what you mean? I just downloaded the store file and it plays fine?


#12

@SaintSovereign Yes, you are right, my mistake. I was just worried that it may is the ultrasonic version and I had it on full volume with headphones, so I was more cautious.
Thank you for the reassurance


#13

DAY 8 - REST DAY

I added another loop of Mind’s Eye Q yesterday. So far nothing to report.
I had a bad night. I took a shower at 1 AM and my neighbour got furious and knocked the wall to make me shut up. First I felt guilty about it, then sad and then I got angry. I didn’t sleep very well and I woke up late.
If he does it again I’m gonna walk upstairs and whip his ass with a ruler.

Regarding my job… I’m getting ready for the front lines. We are going to simulate some calls and situations to prepare me, then I am going to be let loose on the phone.

I thought about dating, rather which route I am going to take (in the beginning) offline or online dating. Both have their pros and cons. What I noticed about online dating is that the girls there are extremely… mature and intimidating most of the time. Especially when she lets you know she is way more experienced than you although she is just 1 year older than you or even younger.
That’s very frustrating.
My favorite scenario would be me walking down the streets and either get approached by a girl or a girl showing so much interest that I know it is safe to approach her. I know this sounds ridiculous and weak, but that’s my current state of being in that regards. That’s why I am so eager to get on the phone in my job and cold call people. I want to be rejected as hard as noone ever got rejected. I want them to hate me. To spit on me. To tell me to eff off and never call again.


#14

DAY 10 - REST DAY

I chose to switch from the terminus titles to regular Q. Maybe they will work out better for me.
At my job I have started training cold calls. No actual cold calls yet, we are running simulations so I can learn the script and how to act in different scenarios.
I witnessed how my mate got rejected today with the exact same words I used in my last post. They told him “I’ll end the call now and never call us again!”
I want this to happen to me. I want to be rejected so I can deal with women.

On that regard… I can’t really do much now. I am completely focused on my job so I can become financial independent. I want to start approaching and dating women as soon as I live in my own apartment. Anything else would be pretty pointless to me.
I still have no solution for my problem with approaching women. The only ideas I got now is to get very confident, learn how to talk to people by cold calling every day and only acting upon obvious indicators of interest (I still wish they would just approach me though)
Maybe I will even start online dating. The women are much more experienced there but it may be faster to achieve my goal this way. I will think about my options until I have my own apartment.

These thoughts are very frustrating to me because it always seems like it is going to take so long.
Do I need more patience? I guess so.


#15

I just revised a scene and I noticed it was easier for me to visualize an alternative scenario than usual.
I can only describe it as the visualising being more automatic and unfolding on its own before my eyes. I already am a very decent visualizer and my goal with Mind’s Eye is to make it a life like experience because I know it is possible. Notice how this only started to happen after I listened to Mind’s Eye Q yesterday. I didn’t have much luck with Terminus so I’d advise you to try the same


#16

DAY 11

Wow. Mind’s Eye starts to kick in. I woke up at 4 AM and went back to sleep so I had many dreams, at least 4 but I only remember two.
They were very detailed. I also started visualising after I woke up, just for fun and to try it out and it felt almost like a virtual reality experience, where you look around. I’m sorry for my bad English, just writing down my thoughts as they come. I noticed my tactile visualisation skills also improved. I could “feel” and “touch” what I visualised better. I firmly believe this just started to occur because I switched from Terminus to regular Q. Not bad at all, Fire & Saint. I really look forward to more.
If this goes on I can imagine to have life like experiences while visualising in a few months


#17

I also thought about how I can make use of this skill and I got the idea to practice cold calling in my imagination, with different scenarious, surprises etc.
This could become a new hobby guys!


#18

I also discovered that when I read novels the scenes and characters become a very vivid movie in my mind. I had this before already but now it is working more casually.


#19

Yeah… no promises on Terminus ^ 2, lol. I may have gone a bit overboard with that one. :wink:


#20

@SaintSovereign hat’s okay, one have to experiment anyway. I also noticed that contrary to older titles, Q-results start to manifest a day after a rest day, At least that’s what I have noticed from ME.
Will we have the possibility with the Q-store to decide about how strong we want our subliminals to be? For example, I really appreciated the almost immediate boost in confidence I got from Emperor.