09/30
So the female attention thing is definitely shifting, but in a way I didn’t expect. Numerous women that I encounter in my work yesterday definitely know I’m looking at them, but do their best to avoid eye contact in a way that tells me they’re paying attention to me. Does that make sense?
One of the girls I’m talking about was unloading my truck. A pretty, tall redhead girl with form fitting blue jeans, black top and bloody red Nikes. I mention the fit because as I was supervising her and her team unloading my trailer, I was trying to catch her eye and nod to her, but as I said, it was like she would like look to the side of me over my shoulder and didn’t respond. Almost like I was intimidating, now that I come to think of it… That would make sense.
But anyways, I decided to take initiative and compliment her on something. As she brought her pallet jack out of the trailer and stood near me, I forced eye contact, smiled (beneath the mask, ofc. More like “smized”) and told her, “Hey, I really like your shoes. They’re dope.” She smiled really hard as if she really appreciated the compliment cuz it was coming from me and says, “Awwww, thank you!”
Nothing else besides that, but it’s hard for me to compliment women, especially when their female boss is hovering right next to be. I have struggles with hitting on or complimenting women with anybody else nearby throughout my entire life, so that is nothing unusual. I just feel like the third party is going to be judging me, like I’m doing something bad or dirty… That’s a new revelation for me, I’m glad I wrote that out.
But yeah, there were at least two women at other stops with a very similar reaction to me. Literally no eye contact the entire time my trailer was getting unloaded and I’m paying attention lol. Though I could feel eyes on my back when I’d go in the trailer myself.
I feel the confidence I was exhibiting in the first week returning as well. I thought at the time it faded because I PMO’d (which I did last night, regrettably) but I think it was more my mental state due to my beliefs ABOUT me PMO’ing that resulted in decreased confidence/slack posture/not wanting to journal anymore, etc etc.
Anyways, the day is young. If I have anything else that comes to mind, I’ll be back.
If by October I feel that I need to cut back, I’ll revert back to EQ solo until November, and add PS in December.
if I can think of anything else, I’ll edit this.
I like Emperor thus far.
